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As she refuses

It is a must for her now
realisation for her is painful
a great filipino stranger captures this moment
oh sweet victory is his
he has got his deservance
she was of no importance
and now as she is forced to leave
we see movement in his regretful eyes
he watches
and waits
for her return

he contains his smile;
as she refuses

Author notes

ConjurerCaptainTam

Amaranthine Lover

A contest entry

Tell me what you think?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • amaranthine lover gold member
    December 28, 2008

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    some of your wording here was difficult for me to understand. Perhaps you should go back and revise this, making sure that your grammar is proper because I think that is most of the problem here.


  • Rhythm Child
    November 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this was incredibly thought provoking and i shall have to agree with everyone that this is great how it tells a story
    once again a very flowing write


  • ariazephyrzoe gold member
    November 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I admire the way made a story with it and included and felt for the photographer's view on the photo...how the picture lingers on his memory though they are falling apart. All he got to do is to let go yet he still waits...reminisce as she denies it---it's no longer working and she realized the hurt that she simply wants to leave and leave the boy behind

    Very nice story, truly enjoyed...
    Thank you for sharing your talent


    Anna Lee


    • ConjurerCaptainTam
      November 22, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Why thank you

      It is inspired by the picture, but the line about the photographer is one not of relation to the girl's story. It is merely put in there just to state that the photographer was a genius to catch such a shot with so many stories behind it. Mine is just one of those stories.

      Glad you enjoyed it. WIll be checking out some of your work now x


  • HaileeDear
    November 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    writes that tell stories are fantastic, im glad you can make it work, as most people cant and it just seems like a big flow of information overwhelming my self...so very nice ;]


  • bigperm gold member
    November 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    nice flow

    I see you in touch with the image. best of luck on the contest

1 - 6 of 6