I know you are busy
busy with your new family
with husband and relatives
you are living happily
why i am writing this
dont ask me
whats the reason behind
dont try to guess
how to say that i really love you
what to write to snatch you
where to go to meet you
when will time bring me to you
I aprreciate if you make a comment/applause
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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This poem was flat and perhaps could benefit from more emotion and description about feelings. It could also benefit from more passion
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I am sorry my friend... I know how hard this is for you. I hope that by being your friend, I can help you with this...
You know where to find me if you want to talk to me.
and love
Nyetta
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I'm not sure what sort of impression a reader's supposed to get from this. I'm sorry that this is the extent of my critical comment. I'm sure the emotions you felt while writing this were quite powerful and intense and expressive.
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Speechless. very good write. three clappies.
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"how to say that i really love you
what to write to snatch you
where to go to meet you
when will time bring me to you"
I adore that part. I think I've read this poem several times since joining, It really is very nice.
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I'm sorry your feeling this way.I've never experianced anything like that so I can't realy say much except nice write and that has got to be one of the coolest pictures I've ever seen, that's pretty awsome hope all is well now
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Hmmmmm
I do not necessarily agree I like the second busy gives it a little more emphasis...however I do agree that you should change the word snatch to something else as it disrupts the flow a little, that and I would like to see more...but I love it and gives a lot of the depth that you are known for. -
I know you are busy
busy with your new family
I would take out the second "busy", the repitition does nothing for the poem.
Also, I would take "snatch" to another word. Snatch sounds a bit dishonest and desparate (in a, I'm starving and I'll kill for food way).
I cannot figure out if there is a rhyme scheme or not, could you clarify for me, please? Because at times it seems like you meant to rhyme, but then the next stanza will throw me off. -
I really like it. The last stanza gives such a feeling of eager concern and interest and shows you thinking, thinking, always thinking of her.
It has a slightly melancholy note also, which I tend to like. -
This is pretty good.I think I would add a little bit more to it.Maybe go more in depth of how it makes you feel inside knowing she is not there with you but with someone else.You are a good writer.I like your choice of the title and I think you were easy to follow and understand.It is hard to write what you are feeling way down deep. i think you did a pretty good job.
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Nicely written and great pic! That's deep, right there!
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beautiful sweetie. i loved it
almost as much as i love you!!!!
xoxoxo forever yours,
Mylee -
Lost and blown for words, fabulous heartfelt poem and i too, love the picture it is sad but ties well with it well done and keep it up!!
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A wonderful poem, Soul. I love the picture you have put to it. It's like saying that you are pouring all your insides out. Your words are just beautiful. I hope you one day find the person of your dreams and you will settle down and be very happy. This poem is glorious.
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