What lies in quiet,
in that moment when you sense,
that what you think you see.
Is just an effigy, a mask,
of what we want or fear .
When the mind finally slows,
settling thoughts like folding sheets,
neatly stacked and tucked away.
When each movement feels
like walking under water.
When dream time and owl light blend.
Leaving watermarks on our memory.
Is it a mask I see in the mirror ?
Is that me?
When did I grow so old?
I can not recognize myself.
How can I ever know anyone else?
Much less the Divine.
Author notes
reverie, picture photo bucket I worry over this write like a dog with a bone, it is there, that feeling I want, it just...............................
8)The reverse side also has a reverse side....Japanese Proverb.
In a list
A contest entry
- CELEBRATING POETRY AND POETS- ONE-DAY competition, "PREVIOUSLY WRITTEN" WORK ONLY by Vera Rich.
6000 points, ended November 26, 2008, 127 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Seashells by KevinDunn.
550 points, ended December 2, 2008, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites by Melissa Gayle.
800 points, ended December 10, 2008, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 31 Quote Promts to Choose From - Please Make Yourself Heard by Shantti.
1100 points, ended January 20, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Picture Prompt - The Mask by poeticcaresses.
850 points, ended February 1, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
-
This was great, especially the ending. This reminds me of a book by CS Lewis called, "Til We Have Faces". The title is drawn from a quote by I don't know who, "How can we talk about looking God in the face til we have faces." Seems to jive neatly with your poem.
-
Beautiful, sad, and a true light upon how we sometimes view ourselves as we grow older. Excellent work and a beautiful poem! I love the imagery and the flow and the building anticipation that brings you to the finally. Absolutely Lovely! Thank you so much for entering and good luck!
-
-
thank you
for allowing my humble poem, shoen as a prewrite but never posted other then on ky contest page, which I could not enter, so you have given me an option
-
-
I like this. I don't know if you've changed that first stanza that Melissa wrote about or not, but that was actually one of my favorite parts. I like it when I can't anticipate what is being written and to have it reveal itself to me one word at a time as I read, as done in the first stanza. That set it up for the rest of the poem which is beautifully constructed.
I can feel the Japanese proverb in this write, even though it was written before my contest.
Lovely entry my friend, thank you.
-
-
changed it, then changed it back again i like what I wrote
I think this is one of the best I have written, and it is what it is, yes well what it is it is, I thank you for seeing this, it is why I put it in the contest, was not just flogging for points,but you know that my friend,it is not the shiny thingy it is the words and how they make you feel, the reverse is the revers ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-
-
Your first stanza just reads awkwardly when read aloud. Its nothing imparticular that I can point out but it jumbled on my tongue.
I believe me favorite is stanza three but I would perhaps remove the last line - I think its unneeded because of the line that preceeds it asking when did you grow old. It implies not remembering.
Your emotion is strong in the piece, you can tell it is something that you feel deeply. The only other thing is that I would have liked to see just a bit more imagery in it -
Otherwise, thank you for your entry -
-
thank you
It is so hard when you really see something in a write that others just do not see, thanks you for your time -
wow that was fast
I had not even finished fussing over it, the spoken quality of the first verse was perhaps caused by the rhyming of the lime of what you see and the next ending with an effigy, I reversed hope it help the flow,
and I followed your advise on the third stanza, I really like this write, it has had several reworks and I worry it like a dog with his bone. thank you for your input
Annie
-
-
It does help, quite a bit.
-
-
-
"when dream time and owl light blend
leaving watermarks on our memory"
I so love these lines.
A wonderful poem.
-
-
my humble thanks
-
-
you expand quickly!
with better word choice and different forms. Gotta keep an eye on you.
-
Wow!
What wonderful insight, packed into such few lines. I love the lines, "when dream time and owl light blend/leaving watermarks on our memory/...when did I grow old/I do not remember doing so" And the last stanza is the kicker -- a wonderful summation, and a great question. Beautiful!
-
know thyself
profound familar message
truly enjoyed
God bless you my friend...
-
-
thank you
bright blessing to you and thank you
-
-
Deep
now that is a journey within...I know you walk with light..
blessed be my friend.
-
-
deep and blessed
I am blessed indeed
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 17 of 17
