To land a real man

First off,
let me say,
that writing this stuff
is taking away from my day.

I could, be out ridin
my 4wheeler, hogg, or truck.
But instead im choosin to write this
so maybe my wife will give it up.

She says she wants me to tell ya--
how a real man really thinks.
But if she knew half a chew about a real man
she'd know I think this just stinks.

But I'm just a good 'ol country boy.
Raised on biscuits, tobacca, and hard work
And my momma told me this one time,
I'd better listen to my wife or she'd give my tail a jerk.

So I've got somethin to tell yall,
just to give you women a clue.
if you want yourself a real man,
this is what you don't gotta do.

You don't have to get real perdy.
You don't have to doll up your face.
If we didn't like what yall looked like
You wouldn't be here in the first place.

Secondly, don't get upset
when I drink beer and fart while your near.
You should be happy I'm doin it
it means your real near and dear.

Thirdly, then i must be goin,
there's a game on and i gotta get laid.
Just take us as we are and love us
and we'll be everything but your maid.

So ladies, I need to get on now
I've said all there is to say.
So head my advice and knowledge
and you'll get a man that's worth his lay.