The single stone stands strong and tall
The hill is bleak and bare
The worshippers seem weak and small
The dead are every where
And on this night the dead may walk
And guide the lives of men
And all the elders come to talk
And meet the ghosts again
The worshippers now start to dance
The dance to raise the dead
The priestess falls into her trance
The bride will soon be wed
And on this night the year will end
And then begin anew
And every ghost will find a friend
And one is there for you
The wisdom of these ancient souls
The peace of life and death
The time to seek the new year's goals
The peace to draw a breath
And still the ancient world's alive
And rules the modern world
And all of us can only strive
And keep our banners furled
The walking dead return to Earth
The world can now renew
The powers of nature show their worth
The world is there for you
Author notes
Prompt
In tribute to the Season and especially the observance of:
All Hallows Eve
All Saints' Eve
Samhain
Hallowed End
A contest entry
- ALL HALLOW'S EVE & her THINNEST VEIL **for MALES ONLY** by Blue Rew.
859 points, ended November 3, 2008, 3 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me honestly what you think, good or bad.
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I am in two minds about the repetition of "the" and "and", but if that worries you, you can disregard me and regard Legend's comments instead. I can see that there are times when the thump of the ritual, dancing feet or the thud of drumbeats need to fall like that. I would have preferred an irregular fall (like Stravinsky's "Rite of Spring").
But you have me reading and re-reading this, because it is a significant step to the side from your usual offering. The repetition is manic - I can see the worshippers' faces locked in a rictus.
OK, final verdict - a worthy silver, when all's said and done.
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I was very much in two minds about them, so much that I rewrote it without them, but reading it aloud I realised they added something, quite a lot actually, it turns it into a chant and response. Without them it read like one poem. I don't think it is something i would try very often, I think your penultimate sentence is the point, I was looking for something that isn't "me" a sound that you get from plain chant or a football crowd, I don't have any idea if I got there but the pagan vote seems to be broadly positive.
I found it interesting to write
As always thank-you for a very thoughtful critique.
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Well this is the biz, when you coming to the Stones then? You have captured the communion with the Ancestors so well, which is what Samhain is about. Nice pen
Blessed be
Jem
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Congratulations on the silver. I love the chant quality of this poem and can imagine it being said on a dark night around a fire under the stars
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Excellent Jeff i thought as i started reading surly not the same word to begin each line Then realized that it was by doing this that you brought the poem extra life To have alternated the AND with THE
was a stroke of genius That it did not collect the gold must make the winner something exceptional
Wonderful piece
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This deserved gold! You captured the essence of All Hallow's Eve along with the veil that separates the living from the land of the dead. I have not seen one like this from any of the pagans on this site or anywhere for that matter that could better this description. I wish that I could give you more than just three applauses. I felt that I was on that hill and was part of the ceremony. Thank you so much for this gift hon. thank you so much!
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Wonderfully penned. Enjoyed this piece. And congrats to you on the silver, was definately worth it.
Love
Passions
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I like the weaving of this that incorporates so
much about All Hallow's Eve.
The rhyme works well as does the repetition
of first words to form a displayed verse that
seems to chant as it goes. Blue
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