using my head as a weapon,
you shielded plumed helmets of war
"evil-averting"
tended by eyes individually blind
hidden treasures remain to be preened,
axes pillaging
in the name of defence,
cunning intelligence
at virgin expense
crushed many serpents
by the foot of your staff, there's a mass
no longer writhing
still, you'd better check I'm really dead
before those ritual celebrations, owl
be on the look-out for snakes; call it fate.
Author notes
down with the viper-squad/wit-woo
http://www.donsmaps.com/images3/owl.jpg
(in-wait)
A contest entry
- Omni-potent by Envelope.
1800 points, ended November 28, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
tell me exactly what you think; no holds barred!
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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hmm nice, this had a good beat to it, it sounds good read aloud, and that ending, whew. You've got some kind of mind, this was pretty short compared to some others, but it had as much impact or i should say more, than alot of others.
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still, you'd better check I'm really dead
before those ritual celebrations, owl
be on the look-out for snakes-call it fate.
these words have fangs...I am always learning a lot when I get to your page
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ooooh
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Though I cannot say exactly what has changed it has more rhythm now/more flow; maybe "the" could be omitted before cunning intelligence? Liked the wordplay/allusion of " owl be on the look out for snakes-call it fate" The owl lends itself to a howl and says I am a saggacious bird, even in the dark, I will be aware of enemies and mete the same fate which they wish on me. Yes that is an assertive/authorative voice, not angry but resolute. I liked that, it is a write without arrogance or bitterness, I appreciate that.
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You had to bring Mom into this, didn't 'cha?
I absolutely love the owl allusion.
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Powerful use of language...the folly of anyone that tried to start a riot inside your head...they would find themselves not just individually blind...ah mass hysteria...it takes statements of the same scene and has myopia...feisty and frenetic with no holds barred...I hear you...with your last breath you will guard what is closest to the heart of the matter...She-Ra...the powerhouse of gospel according to a sister...enough of my perambulating across your page...Bravo
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Powerful! "there's a mass no longer writhing" is great.
I love the threat in the final stanza -
every woman to every man
(at least on this read- I'll come back and read again.)
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I see your 'medusa head' grinning from behind the words. I love it my talented friend!
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