Door adjacent
Your hair is tousled
Eyes complacent
Pillows ruffled
No, they lie
you would not do this
And so I spy
the reluctant witness
But I have you now
You cry the nile
you cheating cow,
i knew all the while
You tread her greedy tile
of your secret smile
A contest entry
- Heartbreak Hotel by neenz.
900 points, ended November 10, 2008, 34 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Betrayal by Baisi.
1200 points, ended November 23, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - round one (for everyone) prewrite contest ENTER ENTER ENTER (AND YES THAT MEAN'S YOU too by serenity silvermoon.
927 points, ended February 16, 1509 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Tell me what you think?
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
I really love the rhyming here. Its not forced at all
I also love the first stanza. It really drew me in
-
Nice rythme and flow. Liked how you penned this and the images it conjers.
~Noor -
Loved the rhyme in this, it just flowed perfectly
Great poem
-
ill comment again lolz the rhyme was brilliant
great rhythm
-
i LOVED this poem
great rhythm
-
This is amazing. And it definitely sounds like the narrator feels betrayed and angry.
-
This is excellent!
"And so I spy
the reluctant witness"
What a great line.
Thank you for the entry.
-N
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
