------------------------------
11.03.08
i. |9:57 am|
fists grip hair
as stomach clenches-
convulsing,
fighting the urge;
i need this.
eyes blur
as defeat sets in.
tears wash bile
from porcelain.
& its over,
another failed attempt
to overcome the demon.
ii. |2:38 pm|
loneliness creeps in
& silence hangs thick
in air coated black
with smoke from
lips you've long
forgotten.
------------------------------
11.4.08
i. |3:14 am|
bloodshot eyes
stare into darkness
as cold, crisp air
hugs naked skin.
sleep beckons
& i would love to follow,
but visions of you
torture nerve endings
& skin stands erect
with chill bumps
& wishing you were
here
to light my fire.
ii. |9:45 am|
sleepy eyed & cranky--
i must've cried
myself to sleep
somewhere between
the cigarettes
& the sleeping pills
that never really work;
why am i up so early?
iii. |7:44 pm|
blinking blue
on my phone
is it you?
no.
just bri, checking
to see that i'm still
alive.
how do i tell her
that i'm not quite sure?
i'm breathing,
but i'm not alive.
& its always been you
by my side -
reminding me to eat;
picking me up
off dirty bathroom tile
& wiping the bile
from my lips.
noone ever saved me
quite the way you did;
noone ever killed me
quite so well either.
------------------------------
11.05.08
i. |6:54 pm|
she said -
you need to eat
you're looking a bit
gaunt,
are you sure
you're feelin ok?
lips kiss my forehead
& hands check for fever.
how do i tell her
that i enjoy this pain?
the fatigue & exhaustion,
it brings a certain comfort.
how do i tell mommy
her little girl
longs for death?
i was born to self destruct.
------------------------------
11.07.08
i. |1:14 pm|
you plagued my dreams
last night -
you held me tight
& kissed me to sleep;
i woke up naked
with your scent
on my skin-
counting back from 100,
maybe you'll be
waiting for me
when i get up.
------------------------------
11.11.08
i. |10:17 pm|
weakness washes
over bones on ice,
flesh incinerates -
inside & out;
when will this fever break?
------------------------------
2.11.09
i. |5:23 am|
my tears grow cold
waiting for your
sad; hollow
apology;
& i know it's not
coming. i know.
but still i wait --
the light in my eyes
[the one that burns for you]
yeh, it won't seem to snuff out
no matter how hard i try
to make it go away.
ii. |7:54 am|
i'm looking in the mirror
trying to pull the bruises
from my neck;
scars of lust.
trash. whore.
gutter slut.
that's what you said,
isn't it?
that i didn't matter.
you didn't care.
well let's see how much you
"don't care"
when your flesh is buried
beneath my fingernails.
Author notes
So, this is going to be a seemingly neverending process & will literally be like a journal for me, dated & everything. Chandni suggested this as a therapeutic process because I have a huge problem with pent up emotions. This will display an emotional rollercoaster & might never, ever make sense. Please, feel free to comment with advice, but really I don't think critiques are appropriate for this. Sometimes I might take something from this & turn into a fullblown piece & when that happens, I'll make a list at the end of this so you can go to the individual pieces & critique, but please; not here.
♥Candie X0X;
c e ll a r . d oo r
In a list
just thoughts, this is a therapeutic process for me;
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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I love this. I relate to it, kind of. Don't hate me if I steal ideas (not emotions, or anything you said), the journal and the format seems interesting and I think that I could make something fantastic out of it.
Keep writing. I miss reading your stuff! -
a work of art that my never end seems ill have to bookmark this if i can find out how lol.with that said i loved it..
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breath taking.
you have something amazing here.
i admire you.
oh and i bookmarked this.
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this was nice, im envious of this nice poem you have here, maybe one day I can create art such as this
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this is chilling, and sounds freakishly like my thoughts a lot of the time,altho i dont know specifically what your addiction is. very honest and relateable, very well-written
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I'm really impressed with how honest you can be in your writing, I strive to do this. Thanks for sharing this
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This is actually really useful. In fact, I might as well try it out too because bottling stuff up makes me and quite a lot of people violent.
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As an art form, this is very well expressed and quite effective. On a more personal note, I wish you the best.
I have a cousin who suffers from this. Her whole family is in such denial. It is sad to see.
Again, my best wishes to you for healing and hope.
~Lea
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AMAZING
-
are you okay? if you ever need anyone to talk to... you know where to find me!
I miss your random ass... it's been too long.
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i actually thought this was amazing, probably because its so real and parts of it really hit hard.
..if i did do something like this which i will try to do, hoping it will help me it won't be as good as your write.
this is actually one of the best things ive read
i like it alot
xx.Emma
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mm. lovely.
i love the spacings and incomplete lines. -
this was an excellent free verse. It sucked me in from the first word. I loved this and the words you used. so emotional! great write!
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I really liked this. I thought it was a mesmerizing piece actually. It gave just specific enough words to push you into a direction and make up a story of your own. The language was succinct, simple and yet amazingly deep. Compelling!
I wish therapy manifested this way for me
Blue~
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damn.
If you wrote like this in all of your writes, you might just become my favourite free-verser.
It's going in my favourites.
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I loved this. The raw emotion displayed through plain language making this much easier to relate too. This was full of imagery that brought this poem to life. This is amazing.
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I know how you're feeling. I have a friend that does the same thing. It's not good. But neither is cutting yourself. Yeah, that's my demon. So, I know how you feel. Keep fighting. You'll beat it if you don't give up.
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