Their summer spent so soft in sated sigh,
to swim in heart's conviction and embrace--
their summer spent so soft in sated sigh.
His hope traversed those paths of her fond face,
as kisses beckoned longing to begin,
to swim in heart's conviction and embrace.
She shared a past - those secrets held within
and when she sobbed he gently held her hand
as kisses beckoned longing to begin.
When thorns drew blood, love let him understand
so soon, she learnt her fears belonged inside
and when she sobbed, he gently held her hand.
Their adoration shone in every stride,
as stars stitched future's seams to then unthread--
so soon, she learnt her fears belonged inside.
Yet feet found freedom merely just to tread
their summer...spent so soft in sated sigh,
as stars stitched future's seams to then unthread
their summer spent so soft in sated sigh.
Author notes
A Terzanelle
http://www.shadowpoetry.com/resources/wip/terzanelle.html
A contest entry
- Contest #600 by Samplette.
3500 points, ended November 14, 2008, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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His hope traversed those paths of her fond face,
as kisses beckoned longing to begin,
to swim in heart's conviction and embrace.
A kiss is not just a kiss. A kiss is allowing someone to grow on you, to grow with you. When so many kisses are given, you cannot just leave. But this is what happened in the poem. I love how you put it. There were no sexual references, it was all beautiful and real. Reminds me of someone I know and miss. Thank you for sharing this poem with me.
Best regards,
Holly
Comments are returned. I applaud you.
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i reall love this piece. i love how you did the thing with line repitition. i think you captured a beautiful love and feeling. and a beautiful moment between two poeple who love one another. congrats on the amazing piece of poetry. LoL sorry if i was a little redundant.
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beautiful
this is an amazing piece of poetry! The only lines that sounded a little weak to me was "Their adoration shone in every stride." I don't know if the templet you used is original, but it made the piece fascinating and unique, and I love it. I was slightly confused as to what was being described because of the title. Wasn't the poem more about the girl being consoled by "him" and their love starting/growing than her actual sorrows? -
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It is the life and the death of true love...a season of happiness that eventually turned to such sorrow. Thankyou for your thoughts.
Just Me
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Lovely, a most enviable penning and certainly worthy of gold.
mj.
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Thankyou
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You are such an amazing poet... This is fantastic!
LOVE,
Delila
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This is a great write, and a strong attempt at the terzanelle. In your first stanza it should be ABA, first and second line being the same. Which would make your last stanza a bit off as well. I think you can fix it easy enough. I will reread before judging.
You did a very good job here.
Thank you for entering the contest.
Sam
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It is my first attempt at this form and I originally followed the second example given at Shadowpoetry.com but after your comment, I returned to the examples given and edited this at your suggestion. Thankyou for helping me learn
Just Me
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My apologies...I only knew the one way to write a terzanelle. Please forgive my ignorance. Make sure you keep your piece as you want it...again, my apologies.
Sam
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No, please, don't apologise...I much prefer this version to the original
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It is beautiful, and I agree!!
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Beautiful write. very soft and gentle, like a sigh itself... interesting form
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