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Baby Blue Eyes

They were too poor, her
parents had said.

So she gave her away;
forcefully tearing away
her other half.

Each day a wrinkle disfigured
her lopsided frown;
each day that she thought
of her baby.

Each year her bright blue eyes
that he had fallen in love with
grew dull; she imagined her
daughter to have her once
vibrant baby blue eyes

Her smiles that greeted her husband
meant nothing anymore;
She couldn't smile
with her eyes like she used to.

Those are the eyes of a
woman who would never
forgive herself.

Author notes

prompt: BEHIND DULL BLUE EYES

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • tarcus
    April 7
    Edit | Reply
    They were too poor, her
    parents had said.

    So she gave her away;
    forcefully tearing away
    her other half.

    Nice though this is it could still do with a lot of work to make it into a winner.

    Her parents had said they were to poor
    So;
    she gave her away.
    Sending also her soul.

    Each day that passed etching ever deeper the wrinkled furrow of her brow as she tried in vain to forget;


  • Kiddy
    March 12

    Edit | Reply
    This totally emotional and different from other entries… This prewrite suits the prompt very well… Besides, congrats on your winning of silver trophy…and this piece deserves it too….

    How blue it was – 8.5/10
    Diction – 8/10
    Theme – 9/10 (Very good)
    Presentation – 8.4/10 (Nothing more to comment about it)
    Creativity – 8.8/10 (you are creative, no doubt )

    Total – 42.7/50

    Good score! All the best in the contest!!
    Love and regards
    Kiddy
    (Dr.Vee – Silent Judge)


  • xxlisajazminexx
    December 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    this is a sad senerio

    at least you know in the united states that WELFARE and WIC are her for the mothers and help them with there babies and have been for years and years... no one in the usa can say "we were too poor" anymore....


  • Shakes-spear
    December 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    So sad

    I am sure that many that have to give up their babies feel this way. So sad that they must be apart. Good luck in the contest and merry Christmas, The Shaker


  • Clayton E Crowley
    November 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Good...good stuff...


  • Harlequin Dance
    November 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    It was confusing at first who "she" was--I couldn't tell if it was the daughter or the mother. Maybe you could clear that up.

    Overall, very nice poem.

  • Black-Fang
    November 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow this is amazing.
    its so sad and deep and a brilliant write
    i love how her eyes reflect her inner feeling


  • Shancy Fayre
    November 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I like this because the eyes are the mirror to the soul. They speak volumes. Nice job. Shancy.


  • Ryno
    November 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    not feeling it,
    heart-wrenching though
    ~prewrites, come and get them


  • Ziola
    November 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow i really like this one, so sad, being a mother myself. feeling it


  • mysticstorm gold member
    November 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Such emotion and power in your words...sad truth in life for many and most never can forgive themselves...for giving away a baby takes a part of your heart with it...deeply felt...
    thank you for sharing!
    mystic


  • Canadamomma
    November 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    powerfully sad, having babies myself this tore me a little bit
    Wonderfully penned
    Best of luck in the contest

1 - 12 of 12