here i stand
lusting to be touched
as softly as spun silk
i stand alone
abandoned
for desiring to be caress
by anyone
if not by you...someone
here i stand
waiting to hear you
call me name
and take me
from this fabric shop
take me
from this world without you
just take me
here i stand
begging that
you forgive me for
seeking another's touch
for not being who you wanted
forgive me
not for what i feel
but for not controlling this feeling
here i stand
alone
with no you
to keep my fire burning
without your love
to cool the flame
without you i stand
alone
A contest entry
- a little fun with characterisation by aeolia.
500 points, ended January 5, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
-
good take on the prompt! you captured the character well enough with what you have (she seems very dependent on her fiance), but it does feel like it lacks something. imagery, maybe, and a little more depth. images, metaphors, and allusions usually are more effective at conveying a situation and/or feeling than simple statements. anyone could have said and felt this, you know? nonetheless, good effort! hope you had fun with the contest!
-
Clara Lockton, 19, scorned publicly by her fiancé Thomas for being “wanton,” finds solace in a fabric shop; Derby, England, 1813
Have fun! I look forward to your poem!
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