Here we are, the young minds to be, as darkness surrounds our home lands.
We try to fight, try to escape from the wrath of this terror but we could not brake loose from its grips.
Blinking from the blackness of a cage,shield from the light of the world.
Blood dripping down, pain rises, rocky edges await with each painful turn we lead.
Bumping up and down unknowing where we are at.
Hearing voices so different from what we are used to.
Who, what are they, taking us like this?
I turn my head trying to hear the world, from out my view.
But all I can hear is the rining of the wages wheels.
Hands on my cage, hands on your cage, throwing us out like we were the last candy in the bag.
Our eyes blinded by the sun, heat consuming our bodies.
Chains of steal clash on to our wrist, we are helpless.
Walking into woods, in the minds of the captures.
Our bodies tremble with each step we take dragging the chains with us.
Crackling chains, making the new song of our new life.
Eyes down towards the ground, head to the rest, our feet feeling the surface;
Is this our doom?
As the sun closes in for the night, yawning beams of the last light hit us.
The moon light and here sorrow feels us with her hardship memories.
For now on we shall struggle through.
But with this last breath of mine.
"Its all about us, for we are the taken."
Author notes
This was somthing I thought of after watchin a lot of Orochimaru episodes...beats me but I like it
Was it good?
Comments
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I liked this poem!
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I like it!
it was really wonderful!a well writted piece!
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I liked it quite fine. It sees as though you could expand it at a future date if you wish. Few poems have that characteristic. The following line caught my eye:
"Chains of steal clash on to our wrist, we are helpless."
While not a perfect rhyme it carried power in it's despair!
This line just gave me chills:
"Crackling chains, making the new song of our new life." When I see a truly great line like this, I get choked up. Not due to the sadness of the line but rather that another human being felt this the same as I.
One tiny flaw I see is at the end of line # 5. I'm now so sure the word "at" is needed but maybe replace "at" with "unknowing of our place" or "no knowledge of this place."
It is just to keep grammar proper, but no big deal.
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Yes,
It was good; it was captivating. It pulsated with life so much that I thought it real; words from a genuine poet...and then I saw the AN. Perhaps you wrote this from some subconcious experience or thought... It is very good; if you ever have the need in true desperation, though:
http://allpoetry.com/group/show/For+Those+Desperately+Seeking+Help
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