Losing to Fear

As I sit on the side,
I watch the war that lies before me.
Part of me wants in,
part of me doesn't,
and part of me is indifferent.
My head is so confused,
and with my passion calloused over,
even my heart cannot help me decide.
I feel the emotions flowing through me,
anger,
sadness,
and anxiousness,
just to name a few,
but it is fear that overpowers me,
fear that controls me,
and fear that makes up my mind.
It plunges the knife deeper into my confidence,
drowning it,
suffocating it,
destroying it until there is nothing left.
And as it does so,
the words,
the comments,
and the negativity
take my mind captive,
and like a silent attack in the night,
they dominate and take no prisoners.
And with confidence shattered,
and consumed with the fear of failure,
one small lies sees this solider hold their ground,
their safe place away from danger,
and where failure cannot be,
or so I thought.
For as the last opportunity for success is given up,
I realize fear has gotten the best of me,
and I realize what I have done.
So with head in hands,
tears on the ground,
shame in my heart,
and fear in my head,
I think of the faces of the people I let down,
and of my own,
who I realized I had no confidence in either.
And the pain begins to hurt,
and the tears continue to fall,
because I let fear and other's words win the battle;
I just hope I haven't lost the war.