The Longest Write Ever

1. What was the last stupid thing you did ?  Well, this may seem a little lame to non-animal fanatics, but I vaccinated my dog with sterile water……I forgot to mix in the actual vaccine part with the sterile dilute. Boy was he pissed that he had to get a second injection. Worst part was that I did it in front of someone. I was so embarrassed.

2. What do you want most right now? I want to bring my little boy home from Russia. We’ve been waiting to get him for 2 years, and we keep running into stumbling blocks. They say we should have him home by January! If I can’t have that, then this 41 year old want to run away from home……..just for a while.

3. Ever tried counting the licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Nope, the owl told me it’s three, and I believe him. Besides, who licks anyway? Sucking is much better!

4. Name one of your guilty pleasures. Eeeeew, so much for anonymity. Okay boys, keep this one under your hat. I confess it’s the water jet in my hot tub. Use your imagination ;-)

5. Can you tie a knot in a cherry stem using your tongue? I can tie TWO knots in a single cherry stem. I have a very talented tongue.

6. Kids... what do you have to say on the subject? Other people’s kids are great birth control. They make me understand and respect cannibalism. Thank God I feel differently about my own child. He’s the greatest gift from God. I never knew what love was until I had him. I cry whenever I think about it. All that said, all children are precious gifts from God, and are to be treasured, protected and nurtured.

7. What’s the most annoying thing 'bout you (might want to ask your friends)? OMG, how do I pick just one? I would have to say that I’m really moody and my moods change with the wind. They never know how to take me or how I’ll react from one minute to the next!

8. What are you scared of? Do you want rational or irrational fears? I’m terrified of spiders. They totally creep me out. My hair stands when I think about them. I’m also afraid that my son will be abducted and or endure the same or similar types of abuse that I did as I child. That would kill me.

9. On the bottom or on top? (take that how you'd like) Bottom, Baby!!! With my legs on his shoulders! Too much info? hehehehe

10. Muffins or cupcakes? Oh, cupcakes for sure. Gotta take my tongue and lick that frosting off starting at the edge and slooooowly inching my way in towards the middle til it’s all gone.

11. Would you eat someone to stay alive? Depends on if I had soy sauce with me. I’ll eat just about anything with Soy sauce.

12. Would you kill them first to do so? I have the theme song from Lord of the Flies in my head…..run, Piggy, run! No, they’d have to die naturally, first. Now, I may set a trap so that they accidentally die.

13. Who's your favorite Muppet? Oscar the Grouch is my hero. I live by his moral and ethics. My husband thinks so, anyway. He calls me a slob.

14. What's the name of your weenis? Excuse me? Bless you! Seriously, though, if you’re talking about the guys, I’ll tell you my husband’s. It’s Little Elvis.

15. What's your prized possession? I don’t have any, really. Things are immaterial, really. And people are prized, but aren’t possessed.

16. Ever laughed so hard you peed a little? Of course, all the time! And I pee when I pick heavy stuff up and when I jump on the trampoline and when I cough hard or sneeze hard…….you get the idea. The joys of childbirth after breaking your back and pelvis. Oh, but it’s worth it!

17. Ever have an imaginary friend? I have over 13 now. Read my poems ;-) I'm never, ever alone in my head.

18. Nicknames? (even ones you hate) I’m sure I have some that I don’t know about, but the best one was “The Four Foot Ten Little Terror”. My boss calls me Gimpy, because I broke my ankle twice and always tear my tendons and ligaments. My other boss calls me Squirt. I’m also known as Blondie. In college they called me Miky, which is Kim backways.

19. Would you sell yourself for a million dollars? Hell, yes, I would. But only for a night and only to one decent guy who wasn’t abusive.

20. What kind of fruit are you? I’m a fruit roll-up, because I like to cuddle. But if you don’t like that answer, I’m a tomato, because people often confuse me for something else, like a vegetable.

21. Addicted to anything? I’m addicted to anything I do more than twice. Why do you think I’ve made it to question 21? Let’s see… I quit smoking September 2nd. I’m a recovering cocaine/heroin addict since 1987, but some say I imbibe a bit much when I do drink. I’m probably addicted to xanax since I’ve taken it every night for the last 5 years to get to sleep.

22. Do you yell at people when you’re driving or in public? Yell, swear, put spells and hexes on. Isn’t that something you learn in driving school? I did.

23. One thing you swear never to do...? I will never abuse my child, either physically, mentally, or emotionally!

24. Favorite drink? (alcoholic or non) Long Island Iced Teas are my favorite, but finding someone who can make them is really difficult. Most bartenders just throw a bunch of alcohol together and call it a day. Ick. But, I’ll drink it anyway and then switch to my second favorite, Malibu and coke.

25. What do your pajamas look like? I’m into comfort in my old age, so I’m all for tee shirts and sweats. I have to wear long pants to bed, even in the summer. He's gotta pry 'em off me if he wants anything.

26. What are you most self conscious about? My body image is really poor. I’m super, duper self-conscious about my weight. It’s hard to keep it off when you have a thyroid condition and you’re as short as I am. I’m not as petite as I used to be. I think my metabolism moves backwards. I look at food and gain weight.

27. Weird habbits? I literally have holes on the insides of my cheeks, because I chew on them. I also still bite my finger nails like a little girl.

28. What languages do you speak? Anglais and Pig Latin, although I did take 5 years of classical Latin and 4 years of Greek in High School. I got pretty good it for a while.

29. How many marshmallows can you fit in your mouth? Depends on if you’re talking about the big ones or small ones. I can get 4 of the big ones in my mouth before I gag.

30. What's your favorite candy? I LOVE English toffee. I might kill someone for homemade toffee. It’s that good.

31. Favorite holiday? I don’t do well around holidays. Lots of bad memories for me, and not a lot of nice family to celebrate with these days. I’ll pick 4th of July. It’s a nice tame holiday – No pressure.

32. Favorite food? A Medium well filet mignon with béarnaise sauce served with a plump lobster tail doused in garlic butter. Didn’t even have to think about that one. Damn, I’m starving.

33. Favorite movie of all time? Most people haven’t heard of this one. It’s called The Fisher Kind with Robin Williams. It just reminds me a bit of my life. I recommend everyone see it. It’s incredibly powerful!

34. Can you chug a beer? Never tried. I can’t stand beer. The smell of it makes me nauseous. I think you can put the amount of beer I’ve had in my lifetime in 3 tablespoons.

35. Favorite game? (doesn’t matter the kind) I started playing Scrabble when I was about 8 years old, and I’ve been addicted to it since. I’m trying to get my 6 ½ year old to start up, but he makes stuff up and it kind of defeats the purpose.

36. Do you dance in front of the mirror? I can’t stand looking at myself in a mirror, so no, I don’t dare to dance. I’m a white girl. I have no rhythm anyway.

37. Have you ever been beat up? Many times. Read my poems. That’s why my husband keeps my guns in a locked safe and won’t tell me the combo.

38. Would you sell your gf/bf for a night? for how much? Now, if I’d sell myself for a million, don’t you think I’d sell my spouse? He wouldn’t cost much. Maybe $500. LOL. I might pay someone to take him for a night just to get him to leave me alone.

39. Describe your dream person. My dream person would be a scruffy, rugged man with an incredible sensitive, loving, romantic side. He would have to be compassionate, loving and intelligent, as well as loyal/faithful. Good in bed. I would want him to be a free thinker and independent, but also supportive and a good partner. He must be well-spoken, be able to go from construction to business to a high society fundraiser. Must be a devoted and adoring father, with not a single abusive bone in his body. This could get long, so I’ll end there.

40. Do you think women are smarter than men? Never have had those thoughts. I believe women and men just bring different types of smarts to the table, because we truly do come from different planets.

41. Could you survive in the wild? If I had soy sauce, I could definitely survive. At least until I ran out. Seriously, I have really good survival instincts. I wouldn't have made it out of my adolescence or teens if I didn't.

42. Cold or hot? (take that how you want) Neither. I hate extreme temperatures, and get super crabby in the cold or heat. Give me 75 and overcast and I’m a happy lady!

43. What would your super hero name be? I’d be The Mighty Mini Me coming to your rescue!

44. What kind of dinosaur would you like to be? I’d be a pterodactyl, although now they’re saying it doesn’t fall into the dinosaur category, but I’m saying it does. I’d like to be soaring way up high above everyone else and be able to witness the beauty down below.

45. Do you have an undie drawer? Yes, and I have to say it’s not pretty. At 42, you start going to cotton.

46. Have you traveled outside the country? I started traveling to Europe when I was about 10 when my mom took me to Italy and Switzerland. Been there several times since. Also been to Mexico and the Islands. Going to Russia in a few months, hopefully, to get our little boy!

47. Do you pee in public pools? (dont lie) Only when I sneeze! hehehehe

48. would you fast forward your life or rewind? I would definitely rewind and bring a gun with me. You think I’m kidding?

49. Is the glass half empty or half full? Unfortunately, when my God has been put in my pocket, it’s half empty. That’s too often. When I have my God with me, it’s half full.

50. Wtf did you answer all these damn questions? Because I’m an addictive person, my son is playing video games, my husband is isolating in the bedroom watching football, and I’m out here feeling sorry for myself.