If people were words, I'd call you
'Passionate'. 'Stormy'. 'Melancholy'..'Enchanting'.
If one could capture souls on canvas, yours
Would be shot through with an emerald green.
If I were invisible, perhaps you would play for me.
Perhaps your fingers would caress my lids as they do your keys.
If wishes came true, I would plead for your lilting
Voice to match mine, to grow beyond.
If the first star of the night would care to listen,
I would wish away my life, wishing you knew me.
Author notes
AngelSeeker,
I picked this one because it stems from an unquenchable longing- the kind that I assume most people have probably gone through at some point in their lives, some more strongly than others.
I await your verdict.
A contest entry
- " Prewrite Special" by wingsofgold25.
600 points, ended November 13, 2008, 48 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Cast Me Under a Spell by StormGoddess.
700 points, ended November 10, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything I can relate to by AngelSeeker.
1400 points, ended November 30, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - More than 10 but Less then 60 Quickie by SuicidalLover.
550 points, ended November 20, 2008, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - My Welcome Back by Amorous Arms.
750 points, ended December 15, 2008, 59 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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A nice write, although it feels a bit disjointed
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Now that you mention it, it is.Hmm..
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I love this poem! OMG. There is a truth in here that is known and most likely felt by all in one form or another. Bravo poetess! Definitely one of my favorites.
love and serenity to you,
Ocean.
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Thanks! This one means a lot so your appreciation does, too! (Also : It's great, being called 'Poetess'!
)
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holy god
i can relate to this so much.. -
TOTALLY feel you.
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Beautifully written. You're right, this is quite easy to relate to. I adore these lines:
"If you could capture souls on canvas, yours
Would be shot through with an emerald green."
Well done. Thanks for sharing.
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I appreciate it, thank you!
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Option3 on the contest My Welcome Back.
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Wonderful
Very creative and so well done. Thank you for sharing.
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Thank you very much.
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I really liked this. I thought about adding it to my finalest list, but that option seemed to be missing. Maybe you had it in too many contests at once. It is very good and says a lot for its brevity. In the end though there are a few poems that touched me more and on a deeper level. Thank you for sharing. Patti
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I'm not entirely sure but as far as I know, this is currently entered only in 2 contests.Also, I didn't know there was a limit to the no. of contests it could be entered in.Then again, I am new here and still figuring out how things work.
Thanks for the thoughtful comment.I'm really glad you liked it!
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Nicely penned with beautiful imagery and an amazing flow. I really enjoyed this piece! Can't wait to read more!!
Much love
Ylova
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I'm going to tire of saying "OMG, thank you!" ... S.O.M.E.day..
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Hehehe. You're welcome?
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A very well written piece.
Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest.
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The first thing that jumps out at me is the formatting/grammar of the second line. You need to put spaces in between those commas, or it becomes nearly unreadable. This is also a problem in the third line right before yours. However, other than that, the poem really does speak to the heart about the feeling when someone in your life becomes incredibly important and you do not know what you would do without them. It is a lovely love poem, beautiful and sweet
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Thank you for the advice.I agree.
And thank you for the lovely comment!
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this is beautiful, poet. I love the last lines -
"If the first star of the night would care to listen
I would wish away my life, wishing you knew me."
Very well done!
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Thank you.I would cite the same if asked for my favourite lines.
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Wonderful imagery... some people can truly become our whole world dont you think... enjoyed your write
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If the poem wasn't proof of my agreement : Indeed, they can.In this case, most definitely.
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Glad you liked it, thank you!
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Pure heart, beautifully written...most refreshing!
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That line's my favorite, too.Thanks for the comment! Keep coming back!
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depth
you speak with depth and emotion, its a really great write. i love the line ' if the first star would care to listen' niceeee
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