sharpening edges
dim between swings & long
strokes
contrasts rise
grappling a crucible, becoming it-
fingers grow feathers
circle the moon while Icarus' daughters whisper
a dreamsong
it sounds like November,
or never -
in either case a shedding
untarnished regret
with precision, a careless fondling
[ all similar in this mutable space ]
it changes the standard by which
an alien visionary
measures warm light in cold cups
in substitution
all evil runs as a sanitary sound
for our inversion of sin, wearing us
until we are worn
between moments of folded skin, pages
locked as they were in beginning
in the dark, moist warmth of becoming
when the sky was rising
when the sky was falling
Author notes
Still editing - not sure ... 'yet' - but may be something 
In a list
A contest entry
- The Beauty of Being Unfinished by Heart Sutra.
1100 points, ended November 30, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think (Critical Honesty Appreciated)
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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You know to do a piece on the unfinished aspect of Neri's art is probably going to be an unfinished edit lol, I think the abstraction in this is wonderful and line breaks well lol I struggle with them as well so nice to know Zayra does too, but this seems to enhance the piece with them and give pause where the reader should take a deep breath and ponder. Well done here, I liked it
C
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As everyone knows I struggle with a lot of line breaks in a poem and tend to not use too many of them in mine. That said, I think the line breaks in this poem lend an abstract quality to it that fits the subject and theme well.
I especially liked this stanza:
it sounds like November,
or never -
in either case a shedding
untarnished regret
with precision, a careless fondling
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you facinate me with your temporal sensory perceptions. smooth skin tones, sharp moon light upon cold surfaces. not sensual, but sensate. exciting. -silverfish
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'alien visionary'
oh how i would love to steal this
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Walks away,
shaking my head, and asking myself if I could ever write something to compare with this.
speechless...
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That's strange - from my readings, I think you have - more than once - surpassed this
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About time you started again
After reading the commnents from such talented poets who would I be to say anything needed changing (actually there isn't anything)
Good to see you back ... really good.
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Good to be back - ish ... spotty atm but getting there.
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An amazing take on the prompt the mixure of personal references and references on the subject is excellent all entangled in an endless motion.
I really loved this
"between moments of folded skin, pages
locked as they were in beginning" ...
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I agree with everybody else... I don't see anything that needs editing, and I think you could be in danger of working it to death if you tinker too much with the essence of it. But of course, that's your call to make.
Welcome back Miss Kate ... good to see ya back in town
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Good to be back. I missed this place too much - is their an AP Anonymous somewhere?
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Well, like the others have said, don`t edit very much . . . I love the music, the images that create this piece into an abstract, but oh so rewarding write.
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I'm with Nicolette and Kathleen... when you edit this, don't go overboard. It's so moving as it is, I think any editing would take away from this. Best of luck in the contest.
♣ Tegan -
I agree with Kathleen..don't edit this too much as it already has that lingering quality about it....beautifully abstract, yet real too.
~ Nicolette
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Deeply abstract I dare say, a real thinking persons poem, and I for one enjoyed this.
All the best,
mj.
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omg, this is like stunning, and amazing, i suxx.lol
good luck, though you dont need it
and take care
Stephanie ♥
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How I've missed your work. This was such a moving piece. So many words and lines I really liked; "grappling a crucible, becoming it"
"it sounds like November,
or never -"
and
"measures warm light in cold cups"
Such great alliteration in your lines. Don't edit too much.
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Yes'm
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i like this.
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i do like this; irregardless of if/when you edit. i think it's very, very well written.
helen~
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