melting point

it grows from spine -
this splintering of feeling
that pushes through the skin

you were always asleep at the time;
unable to bear witness
to the pieces that fall away
when darkness makes it easy to lie there
and detach yourself - - -

like icicles, breaking away from their sockets.

Author notes

I don't know...

it made sense in my head.

I prefer my previous poem over this one.

77/100

The pages of Life group list • next in list

A contest entry

round one; enter your best. by broken-colours. 600 points, ended December 12, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
PW Quickie by letters to no one. 400 points, ended December 22, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest

kind but constructive criticism please.

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

By me, right now

Adding your comment:
letters to no one
January 9

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I like this, thank you for entering my contest, although it has been finished and judged for the past 3 weeks.

I'm so so so sorry for my delayed comment, but I had no other opportunities.

Shelly
x
Ephiphany
December 23, 2008

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I think you expressed
urself in this piece well done.

Ephiphany
kimberlee meredith
December 23, 2008

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This is a very interesting piece. I can feel the cold emotion coming from your words, almost as if you want the reader to be detached also (if that makes any sense at all!).

Thanks for posting.
broken-colours
December 8, 2008

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88%
This was very interesting: how the title suited the brilliantly-worded last line, how everything drew together in a fluid stream of thought, and how incomplete I felt at the end, as though I was still waiting with bated breath to feel the conclusion.
Grunts Girl
November 2, 2008
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i think it is a most interesting personificiation of icicles