she hides
Coincides my shrine
dines on my emotional content
lets me know everything's ok.
(I'm in love)
Everything's not love
she's lost and playing cate
allays belief
(Out of love)
Comments
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I found this difficult to the point of confusion. Phrases such as 'coincides my shrine' and 'playing cate' fell on my deaf ears. If cate is a name then a capital C would have saved me some time on Google! Your exchange below shed light on where you were looking to go - and I definitely think you should explore your concept further - but at the moment I find this piece too abstract to connect.
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thanks for the comment, I really appreciate it and yes CCCCate should be capitalized, but i feel some lines are necessary the way they are.
Kinda funny you look up things on google like how to capitalize a person/persons name,but hey whatever sometimes alot of people have some time on their hands.
thank you for the comment i always appreciate great criticism.
My wife even agrees with you on the placating line i was just trying to be a little different.
seriously great critique thank you .
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Nail on the head.
Thanks for the read -
took a couple of reads, but i may have finally grasped what this was attempting to achieve, first stanza is a representation of one half of the relationship, the next stanza is the other half, the other side.
both have differing opinions.
and then everything ends happily ever after one would assume right?
haha. -
I love how there is the two different feelings of love and how the woman/girl is reacting to them with the man.
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