i constantly forget
there's more to fathom than regret
and when the reminiscence starts
i can't control my abstract arts
[ my mental easels ink themselves;
for everything that's worth its wealth
i find no beauty inbetween
the lapse which seperates our dreams ]
so second bet that second bet
you'll only lose the blues you sweat
and when i set my final chips
i didn't know i'd win all this
[ my smoothest winks will wear out cold;
for everything i glaze than gold
i know that wisdom withers when
you waste your seconds counting them ]
to procreate each plasma stream
i'll live this life beyond extreme
and when the passion parts my eyes
you'll know i'm kissing open sky.
x
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Yes!
I love this one. Especially the parts in brackets.
This is great
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ok
this is a great poems love the word use and choice absolutely brilliant! -
Ok, I like 'we second bet that second bet'
It's clever...
i know that wisdom withers when
you waste your seconds counting them ]
And that's true, so so true...I agree with what lady underneath me said about the title though, it does not seem to fit the style the poem is in...
And the last two lines, are also very clever... kissing open sky, what a great way of putting it! -
I love rhyming poetry too.
This is pretty damned good. I enjoyed your using assonance rather than full rhymes in places, as it is something few writers dare to do. But it is so much better than a forced full rhyme! I don't like the title of the poem much - it looks unprofessional and doesn't really seem to fit the content. This poem is not perfect, with a few lines you could do with shuffling about with. But it's good. I'm not used to seeing good poetry on this site. Perhaps I've been looking in the wrong places. -
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thank you
for all the constructive critisisms you have given me.
hardly anyone ever reads anything i write on here, so i thought about shamelessly promoting myself and did it just the other night.
now i'm bamboozled with poetry comments and i don't quite know what to do, haha.
i write a lot of my poetry on the spur of the moment and when the feeling takes me, so often i have typos and grammatical mistakes, which is not good for an A level english student haha
i shall take more care in the future, and i shall lose my capitalision, thank you -
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hmm.
NO. i check like everyday to see if you've written anything. and you're such a great poet, i cant constuctively criticize.
but yeah
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No problem. I'm an A level English student too! What a queer coincidence. Anyway, I am going to add you to my favourites and keep a close eye on you, sir.
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Sorry, what's assonance????
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Words that sound similar. They do not have to rhyme directly - for example, 'sudden,' and 'madden,' are assonant with one another. So one uses the term 'assonance,' rather than 'a half-rhyme.'
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i like's me rhymes too!!
kool ryhme... thanx for sharing
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nice
You rhyme quite well -
I don't usually go for rhyme, but this flows extremely well. I really liked the last stanza. Wonderful!
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