Every time I close my eyes
He pops into my head.
Unfortunately, we can't be together.
My parents would rather me dead.
Tall and angelic
is his amazing stance.
The shadows that surround him
always seem to dance.
His mere prescence
makes my knees weak.
Compared to him
I am small and meek.
But he seems to love me anyway.
Though I can't see why...
And I really love him too.
I never want to say good-bye.
A contest entry
- Close your eyes and tell me what you see by Meroza.
1100 points, ended November 8, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - For Anyone but Especially The Library Group by Library Piggy Bank.
400 points, ended November 3, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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But he seems to love me anyway.
and although I love him too
My parents say that we must part
it's time to say, adieu ... ? -
I'm sorry but I won't be judging this poem based on the fact that you've entered it on several other contests. Reason why, its unfair I feel. And no, i didn't put it in my rules because its common sence to atleast wait until the one contest you're entering has ended
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I'm sorry that you feel that way but whatever.
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good
I really like this poem, the opening is really strong but perhaps you could change the last 2 lines, they arn't as strong as the rest of the poem. Otherwise, really good job =) -
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Thanks! I will have to think of how to revise the last two lines because I completely agree with you. Now that I reread it, I am not exactly proud of the last lines...
Any suggestions on revision?
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