Look at the stars and tell me what you see,
a group of young children set to run free,
look to the stars and tell me what you see,
your personal god staring at me,
for all of the things that have come to be,
spring is the season that my mind foresees,
it's the season I love for it gives me hope,
it gives me a reason, the power to cope,
Look at the stars and tell me what you see,
a group of young children set to run free,
look to the stars and tell me what you see,
your personal god staring at me,
let me hold you close,
and in my arms you'll be,
even on Pluto,
Your warmth stays with me,
Look at the stars and tell me what you see,
a group of young children set to run free,
look to the stars and tell me what you see,
your personal god staring at me,
Let me take you hand and show you the sea,
open your mind and set yourself free........
Author notes
I tryed to incorparate a bit of all three into my poem, hope thats ok 
, this was a choice by a friend of mine
1. my favourite song (at the moment, it comes and gos) is Working Class Hero by John Lennon
2. My favourite season is spring because it's always so hopeful and promising
3. I refuse to be practical so I will live in Pluto where it is very cold and will survive on hugs ^^
A contest entry
- BIGGER POINTS FOR BETTER WRITES!!! by righteousme.
1400 points, ended November 13, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - "Prewrites " + Plus by wingsofgold25.
600 points, ended November 20, 2008, 66 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Wow Morgan this is unique. It's been so long since I read something new of yours. Welcome back, bro.
Brian -
Since I don't know what your three options were in the other contest I will have to judge it as is.
I like good rhyming poetry and you did an excelent job with it and did not seemed forced at all the flow was very smooth ( and yes it does sound more like a song than a poem)
Thank you for your entry good luck. -
very interesting and i love the way you used all three prompts ... and the title helps this piece along ... i love the flow , even though i am not a big fan of rhyme ... thank you so much for your time and talent ...
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i like the flow of this and the repetition makes it seem like lyrics more than poetry to me. and i dont care what they say. i grew up with pluto being a planet, so in my mind it still is.!
good job
-andi -
Easy flow
I like it. It flows well and the rhyming is natural and easy.
let me hold you close,
and in my arms you'll be,
even on Pluto,
Your warmth stays with me,
I feel that you could make this two lines, so that it's a rhyming couplet like the rest of the poem. That way, the reader isn't thrown by the sudden change in style. -
I Really liked this poem. You did an excellent job with the rhyming. The flow was nice and good luck in the contest!
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This is really good.You wouldn't know that someone your age wrote this.You are in tune with your feelings and your ryhming and flow is just right.Good luck in this contest.I like the title that you chose.If I were to revise this I think that I wold incorparate into it maybe a line or two about your thoughts on life on Pluto and what it is like.Any way you did a great job.
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Truely amazing sexy boy
I like it loads like.
Ilu.
X -
Truely amazing sexy boy
I like it loads like.
Ilu.
X
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The message is clear and beautiful. Great write!
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