The sun sets in the west,
and rises in the east,
it's such a beautiful process,
I think so, at least.
But that is not
what makes this moment so divine.
it's the fact that I know
you are currently mine.
As we sit in our special spot,
I stare at the darkening sky,
then I look back at you
and all I can do is sigh.
You hear my sigh,
then glance back at me,
I kiss your forehead,
and hope you will always be with me.
You turn back to the sunset,
I can tell your thoughts are far away,
I want to ask what you are thinking,
but I fear what you might say.
In a way, you are like my sun,
you give me light,
and if we weren't together,
it would always be night.
Our relationship is crossing to a new stage,
but I have yet to figure out,
is it the beginning of a new dawn or dusk?
I guess I will just have to wait it out.
Author notes
Ladybug lands on lee
http://art4linux.org/system/files/blue+moon+over+manhattan-1280x1024.jpg
Missa
A contest entry
- I'm gunna give you points for your poems! by SmartBrick.
400 points, ended November 30, 2008, 67 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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tender and sad
I like the tender lines in your poem:
"then I look back at you
and all I can do is sigh."
and
"I kiss your forehead,
and hope you will always be with me."
i felt sad reading this line:
"and if we weren't together,
it would always be night."
To my mind, a heartfelt write,
thank you for entering,
best wishes,
Isabella
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this is beautiful-- its all about enjoying the moment you have right now with the one you love. this write gives me the feeling that even if the love ends, or changes, what was shared will always be cherished.
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that was so pretty
In a way, you are like my sun,
you give me light,
and if we weren't together,
it would always be night.
i find this verse deep and understanding, i hope you find out...good luck!
@)->--
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Loe is so beautiful when you can look into someone's eyes and see it returned
C
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That was pretty!
That is a good question!
Good Luck! -
I like your idea of dawn and dusk. I think the best part is where you relate it to not knowing which way the relationship will go.
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Nice job on the images and emotion in this. I do feel it could be 'tightened up' and become much more impactful though, by losing some of your repetition of saying the same things over. I like the feeling of romance in this, and I especially liked,
'You turn back to the sunset,
I can tell your thoughts are far away,
I want to ask what you are thinking,
but I fear what you might say.'
that's so relatable for many - being afraid to say too much, or too little.
all in all, a lovely entry
best wishes in the contest
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nice work! i really like it, it's well done!
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good job. i like this poem very much. you did a wonderful job with the descriptions and the emotions. thanks for entering and best of luck in the contest!
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a warm take on the subject..and your move with your immages are wonderful as well.well done..and thank you so much for the entry...
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Although the ideas and metaphors you used were not wnything I hadn't heard before, this was still a very sweet poem. The ending leaves the reader in suspense, which is great.
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Wow, great description and imagination, i really enjoyed reading this, well doen and keep it up!!
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