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Th1rt3en

Head hung low, a moonlit path
Shine around her, illuminating
all her
tears

Author notes

http://kaikuskylianfay.deviantart.com/art/Found-102307489

A contest entry

What do you think yall?

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Comments


  • Manda Kathryn Greeters member
    November 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I felt I could see her tears reading this; you created a bigger world of the picture very well

    ♥
    Thank You for Your Entry & Best of Luck
    Stay safe
    ~Manda


  • januaryrain gold member
    November 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Awww so sad, but wonderfully penned.
    Good luck in the contest.


  • Catie Sheeran gold member
    November 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Love the ending "illuminating all her tears" you convey that she is crying, without actually saying she is crying... and you put a spotlight on her; her actions and her surrounding...again, without throwing that out there when the picture already shows us that. beautiful...tho one suggestion...I do not like the word "that" ...maybe replace with "a" and maybe you can try to take the -ing off of shining...try to avoid -ing when you can. tho that's a tough one for me. anyway, that's only my opinion. this is your work. Good luck