Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

And the stars could sing.

Understanding came
as dopey as a lamb
and hands praised
the frosty weeks of priests
as starvation's glance
refused buckets of ice.

White waters pedalled roads,
motioning for portions of guilt
to spread in perfect threads--

like old dread
drying along handlebars
of ancient harms

and the sun could travel...

producing practicalities
like extra coats,
as realisations ran across faces
and two o'clock pains
polished another's wicked ways.

That giver of bread
became a stealer,
revealing contradiction
in dictated amounts;
yet aptitude had better ideas
and approval nodded
in lost lodgings of thought

and the clouds could drift...

accompanying metres
of caught-up cries,
as sighs
silently meandered moral meanings
and hope wore
its dawning uniform
of bittersweet victory

and the sound of abandonment
ran back,
to skid
along past's swallowed gains

while grief's dying morsels
braved their own entangled airs.


A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • CitrineSunrise silver member
    November 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I would know this poet's work anywhere, and I love the unique touches that you bring to your poetry. It can be read for simply the lovely wording, but each re-reading gives more insight. I can't wait to see what you write in the next round. Peace, Liz


  • thepoetssoul
    November 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a great entry you have entered.
    The imagery and metaphor is exellent.
    Thanks for the entry.
    Best of wishes to you.

    Tony


  • Cannonsfire
    November 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful use of imagery and metaphor here, the final exit lines are strong and keep you to the end. Well done here C


  • Cool Jew
    November 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I was pulled in by your first two lines and I loved your very rich use of imagery-- there are too many great lines for me to pick my favorite. I do have to confess, however, that it took me a few read-throughs to understand the overall meaning of the poem and combine all of those great images into one cohesive thought.

    My understanding is that a lot of the poem's underlying meaning can be seen in the second to last stanza:

    "and the sound of abandonment/ ran back,/ to skid/ along past's swallowed gains"

    It seems as though most of the poem focuses on great loss and change that upends a previous period of hope (or excess?)

    I'm not sure if I got the meaning completely right, but I still very much enjoyed this poem. Good luck in the contest!

    -CJ

    • xJustifiablyMex
      November 2, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thankyou for your comment and for actually taking the time to study my poem. When I write, I always have a basic meaning/message and also layers upon layers of metaphorical meanings that all tie-in with the overall theme...and you pretty much nailed it Again...thankyou.

      Just Me

1 - 5 of 5