with silver spoon
the pablum is always sweet
and attention’s cries
attuned to
comforting cradles
deprivation denied,
easy paths become too familiar
Braille signposts stroked
with numbed fingers
highways forsaken
for thrills of jeopardy
as winning implies loss
and victory, defeat
the hill rises from the valley
for even an airy plateau
becomes a treadmill
Author notes
quote prompt: "sometimes, one must feel the pain of the pull in order to appreciate the tenderness of the touch" - by xJustifiablyMex
- We have the right to make you write in any form/style/type of poetry there is on this planet. We will literally murder ourselves sometimes by trying to find even at least one bizarre form. But, then again, you may have easy things too. Or maybe not. You never know.
- We have the right to make you vote for other contestant. You may have to vote other contestants out, or vote to give contestants immunity, or even vote them president, or never vote for them at all. Again, you never know. We don't know either.
- We have the right to eliminate as many people as we want. We may not eliminate anyone until like the second last round. Or we may eliminate almost everyone in the first round and have the contest super short. Again, you never know!
- We have the right to make you write on any genre. Monkeys from another planet, hope, hatred, beauitful underwear. Please don't enter if you are easily offended, as you may have to write on some touchy or controversial topics. Or, you may not. You just can't tell!
- We have the right to disqualify you if we are not pleased by your behaviour, or actions, or something with your poetry (though, most likely not the last one). Though, this is unplanned, you still need to be respectful.
- We have the right to be completely honest with your work. Whatever we say is only said to help you improve as a poet.
*- We have the right to run this contest however we want, so live with it. *
- We have the right to throw any twists into this contest as we want to, especially if is for our own amusement.
- Mostly, we have the right to make you grow as a poet, and enjoy yourself.
I, CitrineSunrise, agree that I have read these terms of use and will hereby abide by the law.
A contest entry
- From depths so seldom touched. by xJustifiablyMex.
625 points, ended November 2, 2008, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - UNPLANNED: as unexpected as you [preliminary round] by Never Fall in Love.
400 points, ended December 22, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
How do you think I could improve this poem?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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yes.
I like this - there are some really good images here. What I think you need to work on is the transition. The flow is not too good and it's very choppy.
however,
You're in.
http://allpoetry.com/group/show/UNPLANNED%20as%20unexpected%20as%20you -
Yes
Not quite my favourite from you; but I know the talents that you possess. I think that this personally is not among my top picks from you because of that.
I feel like this sometimes; like we are stuck in our own lives, in the things we do; like we are never going anywhere. Your imagery and poetic device did a good job at portraying this message.
Well done.
Please wait for Chandni's opinion.
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Thank you for your honest comments. I don't think it is one of my best either, but I am working to perfect my free verse. I tend to think in rhyme, I guess, but those types of poems only work in certain contests. I almost entered another poem, but realized it was from a contest of yours, and I didn't think that was right.
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Hey Liz! What I meant was, I think this piece lacked the magic that some of your free writes usually carry... for example, the one that I remembered most clearly was this: http://allpoetry.com/poem/3951395 and there was also a lot of others I read from you in Poets Survivor. I think that your free writing is really up there, and that you have come a long way
PS: No worries, if you get in, you will get your chance to display rhyme: Chandni was originally majorly a rhymer and she still has a good eye for it - so I am sure there will be some opportunities along the way
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Very thought provoking. Interesting piece that makes one stop and think. Thank you for this wonderful write
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This is quite the deep thought-provoking write and yet the actual reading of it was such a delight. Your words flow perfectly and your attention for poetic device dictated the speed in which this was to be read. To pick out 1 or 2 examples of what pleased me with this, would be an impossible task as I'd never be able to choose. Your imagery is excellent and your poem, impactful.
Thankyou for entering my contest and congratulations on your award.
Just Me : -
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Thank you for the encouraging comments. Your opinion means a great deal to me and I treasure any award in a contest of yours. Peace, Liz
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"easy paths become too familiar" reminding me of the road not taken making all the difference.
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