Our combined breath flows like
cigarette smoke into the crisp
fall air, curling, braiding until
we can no longer see it. A
thousand words flow between
our stone still bodies yet
ragged question marks glue
themselves to every space. We
are costumed, hiding our
true identities from the world
no one will ever see us.
You touch me, a single grace that
sends a violent electric bolt straight
into my heart. Frightful eyes connect
for what seems the first time, limbs
quivering with what could be.
I've been craving you for so
long this moment seems
surreal, just a sweet mirage in the
dying hours of October. So close,
too close, I can hear your heart beat
pounding like raging river
rapids, so free and wild. Tasting
your breath, just inches away,
I close my eyes waiting
for the unknown.
A contest entry
- Blow me away with "POEMS" by thepoetssoul.
4250 points, ended November 8, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Be Brutally Honest, Loves
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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This is a fantastic poem you have written.
I love the imagery,Id just jump right in impatiantly.
Thanks for the entry
Best of wishes to you.
Tony
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The metaphor in this is very good, it might benefit from more line breaks rather than the sort of paragraph's you have now which make it flow a little awkwardly. C
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I love the image with breath interweaving in the crisp cold. It foretells so nicely the tenor and trepidation of the rest of the piece. The last line becomes a statement of strength and daring.
You capture quite a bit and do it in a way that enduces the reader to share and personalize your feelings. Very well done.
Love, Tom B.
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Beautiful! I loved the opening lines, the imagery was perfect and the whole thing was flowing with gorgeous descriptions. Amazing job with this one love. Best of luck in the contest.
Take care
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le sigh. I adore this poem and the last poem you wrote. They captured the seasons so perfectly: the last one winter, this with October and fall. Fucking beautiful.
I'm listening to She Wants Revenge, the song These Things and is fits so perfectly.
This made me feel so empty, like I had lost something so special and beautiful. I think whenever you have beautiful, peeking moments, there's always a sense of loss and loneliness. It's sad and aching but beautiful because that's life.
Wonderful poem beautiful.
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