Swollen eyes full to the brim
invade our grim charade.
Although we are parted,
it’s still in our air
not quite over or started.
We are a heavyhearted pair,
loosed from the bone,
not knowing what
heals strife or where,
both wearing heartache
more heavy than stone,
absurdly sharing
the siren song
that snared you from me,
washed us both out to sea
the job half done.
Undertow and iceberg,
drifting
slowly melting love,
A contest entry
- Looking over your shoulder? I want Unrequited Love! by BeachBum1.
770 points, ended May 21, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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loved it
what an interesting write!I thought it was paced beautifully. I loved the imagery of ice at the end thought this was really good -
Bandit Appreciation!
Thank you for this entry to the reading list
your participation is appreciated!
The Poetic Bandits
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The rhythm of this piece is beautifully crafted
I really love the unforced rhyme and the wonderful imagery 
the first stanza was perfect for setting up the second and this whole poem left me with a heavy heart - well done
Keep writing
Polly
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A sad but touching poem, rich in metaphor, and emotion is expressed well...good imagery and tone, you have penned some precious lines and I believe you will both always remain good friends if this is really happening to you...I love the last two lines
~Lilac
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This is wonderful, the emotion splashes across this page and the picture you have given us is so vivid. Best to you
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Congrats on your past hoodwink. I liked your vivid descriptions. The title can have multiple meanings. My first thought was of people roaming from place to place.
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Outstanding
This is a sad poem that speaks of heartache and tears. I thought the imagery was vivid and compelling- I especially liked:
both wearing heartache
more heavy than stone,
I also liked the way you suggested a closeness between you even though you were drifting a part.
the siren song
that snared you from me,
washed us both out to sea
Over all a strong poem with great flow.
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Hood-Winked!
So sad! This is a powerful write with much passion, great metaphor & fine choice of words. I do see a need for some grammatical edits & places where you could tighten this piece up. I'll put this into my Word program & get back to you with some suggestions! Love experiences can be tough for all of us but they can sure make us grow! Bravo for being able to express this as you did!
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Well done.. I know what this feels like and it truly sucks. Thank you so much for sharing! s
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Sad when love drifts apart. Great imagery
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What a wonderful expression of how love hurts on both sides. You write so easily and make it all look so easy to do (like a ballerina after many years of tuition). Very nice Ronnica...alby
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