With a sigh I wrapped my wishes
into the bundle of November coming rains
and tied them up with the ribbons
of loneliness and longing.
Salty crystals hanged
to the edge of my eyelids and lashes
then they dropped down pulled by gravitation
like a flower’s petal ornaments.
I hung a red windbreaker to my shoulders,
went out just to see people walking by,
looking in their faces for some familiar lines.
There were only masks with false smiles
and none real and lifelike like yours.
I turned my eyes to the sky
but it was out of my fingers’ reach,
gray and heavy with bold clouds.
Beneath the trees lengthy shadows played,
stretching their wet edges eastwards.
A dark branch shamelessly besprinkled my hair
and for an autumn excuse sent me
its last folded leaf as a gift.
It was seven thirty.
From the open doors of a café
golden lights spilled out onto the sidewalk
with the gentle Elvis voice of I love you because
amalgamating with my feelings of I miss you
I returned home but my room was empty.
Through the open windows came
howling sounds, the alarm of a car,
young people’s laughter,
voices from afar.
My only companion
the smell of apples and ripe grapes
floated between the bowl
and my desires.
I stretched my arms,
and embraced myself to summon your touch.
Author notes
Momentum
Thanks in advance to all comments.
Sonja
Amaranthine Lover
In a list
- Beautiful Words by Beautiful People I Know • next in list
- Love • next in list
- AP Trophies - G - S - B and HW • next in list
A contest entry
- Contemporary Freeverse by kiwigirljacks.
700 points, ended November 5, 2008, 11 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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some good imagery here, but I think you were too wordy at times through the entire length of the piece. It would be more effective if you went back and cut some of it and just leave the vitals. Would make it more appealing to the reader.
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Thank you for your kind suggestion, but no, thank you. I never change my poetry to cut out any piece of it. I do not write this way. Readers may like it or not, this is a mater of taste for poetry.
~Sonja~
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Thank you for your most heart spoken entry, Josie
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Joni Mitchell good
This reminds me a lot of Joni Mitchell's Chelsea Morning. I love that you use such words as amalgamating where I might use melding. Those two lines, "I love you because" and "I miss you" are an exquisite example of the best of Lyric poetry.
Thanks,
Father O'Know
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Oh and I was right there walking by your side Sonja, Exquisite imagery and emotions penned here my friend.
Congratulations on a most well deserved trophy!
love and blessings,
Sandi
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This is visually gorgeous.
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This had a lonely and sad air to it! Love the descriptiveness throughout and the gentle imagery. Excellent take on the prompt!
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love this....with the mention of Elvis in this poem, I hear the song
'Are You Lonesome Tonight' ...I definately feel the mood of it also,
and I always enjoy the superb imagery written into your poems
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The melancholy ...
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As usual, a lovely penning, Poet...
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FANTASTIC!!!!!
As I read this I believe I was there seeing what you were seeing and feeling your heart yearning for the one you love.
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This is beautifully written. Written with depth and feeling with wonderful imagery!
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