To forgive myself in the end

Memories run through my mind
Reminding me of another time
When life never seemed to make sense
All a fog that you created
You made sure that I knew
What a disappointment I was
Never thinking you could be wrong
That you helped form who I am

Allowing me to believe I was a curse
Upon you which was laid
You made me feel so unwanted, unloved
I never learned to put faith in another
Always forcing me to hide
The side of me most worthy
For anyone who cared to see
The kind of child I really was

All I know from you is self loathing
Without any comprehension as to why
I can't look at myself in the mirror and see
Why you despised me so
What did I ever do to you
I did not ask to be born
But you gave birth in spite of this
Condemning me to a hell on earth

So many times you shattered my soul
Never wanting me to feel a part
Of anyone that would welcome me
Nor allowing me to know love unless coerced
Despite trying to dislodge my mind
You only strengthened my resolve
To find the truth and trust I seek in others
For my mind was not weak at all

I learned to think for myself in all things
To see the people for who they are
Not to leave me behind when I make friends
To love myself for who I am
To give my all to my husband and son
As their wife and mother
To not judge human character
To see people for who they are

I am trying to put my trust in others
Not to believe they are trying to take advantage
To be able to accept the help they offer
When I need it the most
Not to hate myself when I see you in me
Not to raise my son in fear
So he knows he can always trust his mother
I will be whole again