Like a horses mane strung into bows and electrified by light
I am drowning in the silences of acoustically fevered moans.
Rain does not wash away the scabs I have created.
Each passing torrent just compounds the misery that consumes me.
Pianos play in scales, like a confused heartbeat; the notes toy with me as if my soul is a bauble above a crib; a plaything for a giggling kid. Let the chimes ring, for I am harmless as my arms are tied with laughter.
It’s haunting, not being able to see; one look and Death displays itself callously. I’ve bared witness to murder in nearly every degree; physically, emotionally and that creaseless face is a reflection of me.
To exist in a midnight hymn is to pull substance from shadow. Human touch is unfathomable and entirely reckless.
Voices and words are but sheets of ice; weightless in the Styx as suspended wastes of life.
And so…
violins segue to cello
Ending this chapter full circle
With upturned ascension
Scored with ophidian chords.
On a dusty church organ
And
I...
am decomposing
the orchestration.
By: Jaye Eryk
Copyright ©2008
Non-monosyllabic comments welcomed
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Beautifully sad but, an enjoyable write.
Thanks for sharing this one!
Jeremy0826 -
this is a very well penned poem and indeed the vebiage and imagery is well portrayed... I like how you made it personal and you made it dark, it gives it an almost imaginable view of the music playing...
well done!
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"Pianos play in scales, like a confused heartbeat; the notes toy with me as if my soul is a bauble above a crib; a plaything for a giggling kid. Let the chimes ring, for I am harmless, as my arms are tied with laughter." That was my favorite line(s), but it was all awesomely written...Loved the tone this set...
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'To exist in a midnight hymn is to pull substance from shadow.' ...and...' And I......am decomposing the orchestration'
Wonderful imagery...Bravo!
Mariana
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this write really touches sorrow and how one must accept it ... love the imagery concerning all the aspects of murder.
great ending concerning acceptance.
thanks.
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So emotional but still very beautiful. I love the wording of this poem and how the emotions flow all the way through it. Very deep and beautiful.
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I adore the word play within this for sure! So well done and in such a way that it just hooks the reader from start to finish. I could grasp the tone while allowing the visions to just play through, which always makes for fantastic reading! Wonderfully written and a joy to read!
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sad but amazing
such emotions and feelings was put into this poem.it was amazing and so sad. i hope things will get better for you my friend.you are a true writer well done!your words press into the depths of ones heart
Juliet
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BEAUTIFUL..and expressive. I couldn't turn away. You continually make me appreciate that I added you as a favorite so long ago!
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Horses are absolutely adorable; you've made them so dark here.
"Like a horses mane strung into bows and electrified by light"
Well damn, this is a freaking unique and imagery-explosive first line, and it begins with a simile.
! I'm always wary and excited to write a poem that begins with a simile, so I don't do it all that often...but I like this. 'electrified' is an absolutely killer word.
"confused heartbeat"
Heartbeats are so boring.
And this phrase wasn't; love it.
"a plaything for a giggling kid"
"Let the chimes ring, for I am harmless, as my arms are tied with laughter."
Both these lines suckerpunched me with how damn good they are...they seem to contrast with the feelings in this poem, and the use of the word 'tied'; it makes me feel like you're constricted by others' happiness that you don't feel yourself. So good.
"pull substance from shadow."
Awesome. I don't know what else to say, but I adore this line and want to steal it.
'ophidian'
I KNEW there had to be a word I didn't know in this poem...LMAO.
What dictionary.com/ tells me:
1. belonging or pertaining to the suborder Ophidia (Serpentes), comprising the snakes.
–noun
2. a snake.
How awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This rocks...sorry it took a bit for me to get to it.
Jessica
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Om my god! This is absolutely amazing! It blew me away; I got here by clicking the 'read random' button and I was expecting something much worse. There's amazing imagery and flow and it's simply stunning. The only thing I'm not sure about is the ...s in the last part. I think it'd work better if you just got rid of them. But the piece as a whole (and that's just a tiny critique) is flawless. Amazing write, you can be sure I'll be nominating for Poem of the Day.
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Thank you very much for the kind note and words. I'm very glad you enjoyed it and were pleasantly surprised.
As for the ellipses at the end. Without the pause, it doesn't read properly in my head. My writing doesn't fit into any known / specific style. I realize that many of them have an awkwardness to them - there's intent behind that.
In this instance: there is a definite pause after "I" The vowel carries and fades in to "am". If it reads without, it takes away some of the emphasis behind the ending.
It's a personal decision. I've read it to myself many times before posting and after your comment. Your critique is absolutely legitimate, but every time I go through it, it just reads too fast without them.
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I was not surprised to read this, as my thoughts also have been toward the off tempo, as I just wrote of adagio dreams.
I close my eyes and can imagine the stretched horse hair pulled so tight as it it is dragged across a bridge in a hideously familiar symphony of de~composition...
~E.
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