I'm gone,
all shifted,
from where-ever was.
Where do you end
and where do I begin?
A smile whilst being held,
incapable;
no thing now matters
yet never did more,
everything
according to this,
in the face of
the blissful uncontainable.
Never more ready to die,
yet shaken to feel itself real
and never more ready to live,
the giver, the giving and given.
A contest entry
- the eternal pleasure... by PrabhuDayal Khattar.
400 points, ended November 13, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Welcome any sincere response and critique
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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a good piece of poetry, the same thought process here i find to the previous one i commented on, the one - the three.
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Yes..there is a no completeness in the beginging to end..and no one can define what is the begining and where is the end..when you love someone..well done..
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This is such a beautiful piece. The emotions just come flooding out to the reader. You can feel and sense every bit of emotion. You did a wonderful job. Good luck in the contest!
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I love the philosophical feel in this...it seems life is a series of arrivals and departures, in every moment, in circles, small and large scales...in seconds, minutes, birth & death.
that was where i went with the title alone....lol.
but love, love always remains the constant throughout life.
enjoyed this...
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Loved this comment from you... thank you.
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awesome poem, unconditional love is eternal pleasure.
I forget to add the most important thing in my write.
You never.
I wish you luck in the contest
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I like the different directions this can take the reader and that back and forth give and take confusion - for lack of a better word - that makes up living. I think the brevity of the first few lines adds to the piece. Personal and holding some universality - a good thing to strive for in poetry, and writing in general.
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Thank you, I do try to keep my 'madness' as universal as possible in expression, not only because large things tend to be this way .... but also I'm hoping it's safer
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Love the last two lines...How well it speaks of total dedication to love.."Never more ready to live, the giver, the giving and the given"...Wondrous words!
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Thank you so much.
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wow this is amazingly deep
as always love~!
thanks for the great read
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Thank you for sharing.
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Some things are so much bigger than we are, and to think we create them ..... that is amazing.
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'create them'... created in us, through us, created by them? ... which ever way, it all comes from somewhere and yes, it is amazing.
I'm unfamiliar with where I'm writing from, if that makes sense, and have little idea how it might read to others. I'm sure it'll vary a lot but I'm so glad for your comment, I can't tell you.
Do you ever think some people will think your 'loosing it' ... or are we safe because we already did?!
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oh, I have no doubt that people think I am losing it quite often. I've come to accept that I am really ..not normal.. but I embrace it. Normal bores me
so keep on losing it
It comes across beautifully and with lots of good heart. -
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Ahh' bless you... nothing to loose and then fortune favours the brave!
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