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time for us

its almost time for me to go.
all the painful feelings show.
i want you to stay with me forever.

it hurts the most when i look into
your deep set blue eyes.
i almost fall into your pain.

it hurts the most when
i know you feel the same.
i love you so much as i cry.

how come your so far away.
its so painful and i want to cry.
watch the tears fall
they're no way you can stop them now.

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • JackFellDown
    December 3, 2008

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    Excellent

    I can say this is where my contest originates from. The pain of being so helpless in such a situation you have no control over. It is a storm in ones heart. Not complex but very clear. I enjoyed it and I can relate. The driving force behind any journey for love.

    "its almost time for me to go.
    all the painful feelings show."

    And each night it gets harder to say goodnight, I know this pain very well. Very nice indeed.

  • Valentines Sting
    November 3, 2008

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    Sad

    Sounds like a long distance relationship. I broke off my last one like that because it was too painful trying to hold on to it. EXCELLENT WRITE!

  • Historically Here
    October 31, 2008

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    me like, short sweet straight to the point, sounds like your describing a long distance thing which not that i know-but bet would be hard.


  • xxvampyregirlxx
    October 30, 2008
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    awwww i love it its so sad...


  • dustytiger
    October 30, 2008

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    good poem, the background and the colour of the letters are a little hard to read, and the first line of the last stanza should be you're not your to get that out of the way. i really like the emotion in this, it's sad but it has a reason for it. it comes off almost like a fried who is watching another friend self distruct and all you can do is stand by and watch when you want to help but all you can do is help pick up the pieces. i really enjoyed this.

1 - 5 of 5