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colour supreme

Blush, the sunset colour "turmoil!"

The heart flusters in rhythm,
feeling strong beats of knowing.
Falling head over the heals,

to delight in your embrace.

Smile, the sunrise colour surprise.

 

A changed world never thought,

an old world never thinks.

Until now, the thought realised,

 

embarrassed me through sheer bliss.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    November 5, 2008
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    Excellent!


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    November 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    There is power in this poem. Lots of power.

    Blush found in many aspects of life and reality.

    I loved the line:
    A changed world never thought an old world never thinks.

    How true this statement has been sung through the ages. Excellent words in this.

    Your first line really packs the focal point of your poem and I think it could be even stronger with hard and soft hits such as:

    Blush the sunset colour "turmoil!"

    Almost makes turmoil the color and blush the paint brush = or simply humiliating and embarrassing the day into turmoil. A great way to say "People! WAKE UP!"

    and then the soft: heart flusters knowing softer rhythm.

    (just a thought)

    to delight IN your embrace would be grammatically correct in this line.

    Quite a statement made to the blush of reality in your powerful poem. I am allowing tweaks and edits for a few days until the judging. I will be back to read this again.

    You have gone to wonderful places in this poem and take blush to a different level. Kudos to you for that. I love it that you have gone beyond the norm.

    Thank you for entering this gem into my contest. I will be back. ~Pamela


    • jezz
      November 2, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thanks for allowing the extra couple of changes, i have made a couple of tweaks i hope they increase the effect of the poem for you


  • parachute fog
    October 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    you chose the correct layout, seperating particular lines for extra effect, more feeling is therfore generated through the lines and the images have a moment or two to melt together and form the overall picture.


  • Ligeia
    October 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love this, short and sweet.
    Adorable!
    Good luck in your contest,
    this is such a lovely work.
    Thank you for sharing.

    'A changed world never thought,
    an old world never thinks.'
    Clever, my favorite.
    Makes one think.
    =

    • jezz
      October 31, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      hey cheers for stopping by,
      im glad you enjoyed

  • Cloudwatcher
    October 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This makes me so glad to have eyes. If I had none, I'd have missed this lovely piece. It makes me want to head outside and beg the sun to set early, just for me and just this once, to see the colors of its fade over the horizon. When it leaves and when it comes back, every day, there is something comforting about that small moment, the twice daily event of the sun and moon taking turns. I love the imagery here in your poem.


    • jezz
      October 31, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thank you for your kind comments, i really do appreciate the words of others, they help me feel at ease with the world. even if it is just about the sunset, or emotions

1 - 8 of 8