A cat in self knows feline's play
as she sways tail to her own heat.
This sister, dark, projects this way
of one in herself, as complete.
In pride she walks the darkest day
as well as her cold moonlit night.
So gentle sways her crude display
of power's play in devil's blight.
As she, in will, in leap above
can show, most true, her agile strength.
In falls that come from karmic shove
can she stretch out to fullest length.
A witch is known for all nine lives
and in its full power she thrives
Author notes
An English sonnet in iambic tetrameter
http://media.photobucket.com/image/dark%20witch/E_lonka/Dark/BlackWitch.jpg?o=25
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Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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What magic.. I loved
So gentle sways her crude display
of powers play in devil's blight
Excellent decription
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A good cat poem...or is it a woman? Guess you know for sure!
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oh I do love this one
well done my friend -
very dark......but i still love cats!!!!.......ok yeah um.......great one but i still say theres more then one way to skin a cat*drums* get it!
anyway.....
all the best
ella
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Oooh, very catchy, a nice side step your poem has. a great write indeed -Jake
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Outstanding
This reminds me of the poem "At midnight in the alley, a tom cat comes to wail" and I liked the way you created a sense of the cat haunting the night with some powerful imagery. The rhyme and meter are strong throughout and the rhymes are not forced at all. Over all I thought this was excellent.
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Interesting.
A nice write about a cat. I have a 3rd stanza suggestion; As she, at will,can leap above And show beauty with agile strength. It makes me think of Halloween.
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Rhyme & Meter Workshop
I like the imagery in this poem, interpreting the innocent characteristics of a cat in terms of the witch that assumes the form.
I'll make one minor correction — this poem is iambic tetrameter, a meter of four iambs per line, for a total of eight syllables per line.
I have trouble with the third stanza. The lines are not grammatically correct, so they read oddly for me to start with. But beyond that, you're trying to accommodate the rhyming word shove, which doesn't quite jibe for me with the language you use in the rest of the poem. I would consider re-working those lines, both to make them read more naturally and to find another rhyme that conveys the same meaning.
I like the places where you've chosen to vary from pure iambic tetrameter. For example, "as she sways tail to her own heat" scans for me this way: "as she SWAYS TAIL to her OWN HEAT." This slows the reader down, and conveys the rhythm of the tail twitching from one side to the other in a deliberate motion. Similarly, the last line scans for me as "and in its FULL POWer she THRIVES." The spondee stops and focuses the reader, making the poem resonate, rather than just rattle through to the end.
I enjoyed your poem. Thank you for posting this.
~Epistomolus -
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An excellent critique
that effectively pulled apart the poem and showed me its flaws. I will have to consider how to make those changes. Thank you for its insight.
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Very good write and an education for me; I did not know that this type of english sonnet was accepted. I learn all the time.
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good write,love the picture
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I thought this was a sonnet! whilst reading it I thought "this looks like a sonnet" heh, you did a really good job on this, you really added a mysterious feel to the witch and her feline
your a great poet. *bows*
~kitty~ -
What a fabulous form you've used here. I love the classic feel of it, the smooth flow and really the whole weaving of the tale. Wonderful!
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again
meow
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Matches the picture quite well, and your rhymes are well-done. I don't understand the iambic octometer -- guess I'll have to look it up. The cat seems quite self-assured, and will go where she wills. Is there another chapter to this?
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A Tale From The Dark Side
Again not my style but you carried it off well. Your writing has a smoothness I don't often find on Allpoetry. Good work and cheerio neighbor.
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Poet
A wonderful piece of poetry. I caught myself glancing at the picture and watching a transformation from sexy witch to crafty cat. Well done.
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Wow!
This is an amazing poem. I really love lines 5 and 6.
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Great stuff!!!
Fantastic narrative rhythm & flow with an underlying darkness that is both enticing & compelling to read...
Keep up the good work...
Well done!!!
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Mystically inspiring
This seems quite metaphorical, i may be wrong but are you talking about the feminine when you talk about the cat (obviously i got this from 'her'). But questions aside it is a wonderful piece, i love the dark edge you add contrasted with the light mentioned; lines 5 and 6 "darkest day" "Moonlit night", it gives me the impression of a dark night enchanted with many ethereal beings, but of them all the feminine shines the most. I don't know if this is what you went for but i think its fantastic.
If i really had to criticise in any way (and i don't like doing that lol) the last two lines seem a tad misplaced, more of a statement than a verse but the message told is still hauntingly beautiful.
I love it
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This again flows so smoothly...love the feel to this... spellbinding...this is so captivating, a wonderful wirte.
Good luck with this
Love ~sweetness~ xxx
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Magical write! Has a sensual feel to it also, beautifully done. Excellent read, good luck in your contest
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Sensual and Mystic!
This is an excellent pen, and I love thy words of rhyme in rythm. Ye have out done thy self with a write this time. May ye see all nine lives that are truly thine.
Blessed Be~
)O(
DragonBlue
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With power that flows from all things
a sister needs not look real far
to gather all that life doth brings
or wear a body that is scarred.
Nine lives a cat doth have, tis true
but a true witch holds more than even you.
WIth the power of the enchanted spell
one can live a life, forever, but none will tell.
Blessed be.
Riftkin
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Wow Dark Otter-chan this poem is so good. It made me shiver in anticipastion as I moved on to every line of it. A magnificent work of art
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Thanks!
I am happy that you could relate to it!
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WOW
within the witching hour
she softly finds her power
she stretches long and of so lean
her knowing brings her comfort
beware to those who cross her path
her power you would never know but will,
surely see..
sorry
just had to...
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Thank you for the love!
In your word play you bring much happiness to me. I am glad to see you back and happy. Your light is a wonder.
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