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the night garden

 


Sometimes words sound
as though they contain other familiar words -
   (there is no cocoa in a coconut
and corridors have no relation to doors)

But afterwards, in the night garden
among the foxgloves and forget-me-nots,
it sounds like beauty
and you may recognise
the noble sweep of stems,
the furry softness of leaves,
even though the Latin escapes you

Earlier, in languorous silence
we climbed the stairs
handheld and heady,
where on a guest bed
we found each other, and
were this a movie,
I would have closed my eyes
and surrendered to your kisses,
in that hard place between
the heart and a good day
or above the trellis
thin and reserved
as pale moonlight...




















the night garden
©
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author notes

Night Garden: original artwork
by
BRAD C. KARTHAUSER


It's good to make new friends.

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • zt
    May 29

    Edit | Reply
    Since you ask for constructive criticism, I offer my opinion. Lose S1 and the first two words of S2 (maybe even S2L7). They start the reader down one path and then take a different fork altogether. Outside of the thoughts of cocoa (and I do think about that a bit ~smile~), there is no sensuality to S1. Let's just cut to the real heart of the poem which lies in S2 & S3. Those two stanzas are all you need. Mmmm... ~sigh~


  • melphleg gold member
    November 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Enjoyable read. It was soft, picturesque and romantic.


  • lunarlunacy
    November 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    stunningly beautiful, you are quite the crafter of words.


  • philosphyofkate
    October 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    when i was young i wanted a garden full of night blooming flowers, and flowering trees.

    rapture is the word this makes me think of.


  • Balldinger silver member
    October 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    have to disagree with you on corridors and doors being unrelated. what do you usually find in a hallway (corridor)?

    do you think there'll be navigational school in heaven?

    i'd whittle the middle and firm up the summary (or knowing me - make none of it make sense...). I do like how the final stanza twirls around itself and scents the poem.

    who's your new friend?


    • crisstiena
      October 31, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Well that's because you're a smartass, Mister Ed...
      maybe I should change 'doors' to 'corries' .

      I don't have one yet (new friend). Depends whether he likes my poem
      enough...


  • Night Hope gold member
    October 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    "or above the trellis
    thin and reserved
    as pale moonlight..."

    Sighhh...Magnifique, my dear Friend. You cultivate such original, raw, fresh imagery with your weavings of words. Good luck in the contest, Sweetie. You're always platinum in my book.


  • quietly burning
    October 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    very sweet and gentle piece

1 - 9 of 9