she sat in the back seat,
eyeliner running with tears down her cheeks
the driver flew through the streets,
a look of disgust plastered on his face
not unlike her makeup, which was now
making a run for it like her life depended on it
she fumbled for knickers on the floor blindly
as she tried to atop her body from painfully
HURT!ling into window cranks and door handles
he stopped the car in a train station car park
long deserted at 2am, and climbed over the seats
to snatch lace and satin out of shaking hands
laughter followed her terrified squeal
followed by hands reddening skin
her mind rejected all knowledge of what
happened after, even when she was safe in their bed
still she refused acknowledgment of those nights
it was love, bright happy, picnic-in-the-sunshine love
and not even her friends could tell her otherwise
Author notes
i have no idea where this came from...
A contest entry
- & I should know, that you're no good for me. by innocence jaded.xx.
1300 points, ended November 27, 2008, 37 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Any ideas on how I can flesh this out more and make it stronger?
Comments
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Wowww. Very vivid and well written. I was hooked from beginning to end. Simply amazing.
-she fumbled for knickers on the floor blindly
as she tried to atop her body from painfully
HURT!ling into window cranks and door handles
he stopped the car in a train station car park
long deserted at 2am, and climbed over the seats
to snatch lace and satin out of shaking hands
...
I love how you wrote "HURT!ling", very creative and a unique twist to the poem, it gives the reader an idea of what's going on. This poem is gutwrenching as well. Veryvery well written. Thanks for entering, & welcome to the finalists♥
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