Keeping Secrets

I went to dinner one fine night
And got away from home.
And I made sure by what I did
My wife would never know.

I called a sitter for the kids
And left a note for her,
Made sure she knew the number for
The restaurant on Third.

The hostess led me to a seat
Across from a cute girl
She wore a golden necklace with
A pendant made of pearl.

But she was married; so was I,
I wouldn’t try a thing.
Besides, I’d not forgive myself
For blaspheming a ring.

The whole ordeal was business based,
A project for our firm.
I kept it secret ’cause my wife
Fills often with concern.

She called for me on my cell phone,
Sweet voice soaked in distress
So I said to her, “Babe, listen,
I really must confess.”

I told exactly how it was,
The truth was not held back
She cried and cried as I went on
Not stopping my attack.

I told her that the reason for
All my secrecy
Was that her feelings might not be hurt
By cold reality.

She hung up on me angrily,
Wouldn’t hear it at all.
And as I choked my dinner down,
I faintly heard her bawl.

But understand all that I say:
My wife’s heart will soon heal
Because it’s not the sex that’s bad,
It’s how she cooks my meals.