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I Met My Boyfriend at Narcotics Anonymous

it could be
that I am using you
to feel the thrill and pleasure
like the first time I put that needle into my arm.
knowing, understanding
how wrong it was
but the gratification removes all guilt.
you are a criminal
and I am innocent
do you want me to play victim?
when I think of slamming drugs into my veins,
your faces pops into my mind and I wonder
do you think of me when you think of cocaine?
it could be
that I'm using you
but I'm curious-
are you using me, too?

Author notes

Sometimes, I honestly question whether or not I have any thought or logic processes at all. I am a chronic stupid fucking decision maker.

This didn't translate exactly how I wanted it to. When I use the word "using," I don't mean taking advantage of someone. "Using" is a common term referring to someone being under the influence of drugs, so what I kind of meant was that he was like a drug to me. I was "using" him, to replace the drugs that I no longer do (well, still do....but not as often...). The thought behind it was that I didn't know if I was involved with him because I genuinely liked him, or because he gave me thrills of being with someone I know I shouldn't be with. And it made me wonder what his intentions were, was he truly falling for me, or was he preying on someone he knew he could manipulate- to give him the same thrills he got from using cocaine.

Well, he gets out of the prisoner reentry program in two months, so I guess I'll find out in then. If I go missing in two months, you know whats up.

I dont care what you think.

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Comments

  • lovinglife
    February 12
    Edit | Reply
    that's a good poem.
    well done
    it sounds like it came from the heart


  • Arkbear gold member
    January 29
    Edit | Reply

    Holy Cow.....this is why I love this Group so much......all of you members here are true to yourself and do not shy away from how your heart might be feeling........your words here are Powerful and I felt each L you penned......great job.....your use of METS were wonderful....let me know if you ever want to talk....Bless you,

     

    Bear ~


  • erbby silver member
    January 2

    Edit | Reply
    wow so deep and powerful,
    i can relat so much,
    i know how it is to replace "someone" for drugs,been there done that not happy with the fact of the matter but anyways...
    thanks for shareing such a write,
    much love,

    vanna


  • jonboy
    December 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Interesting personal write! I like the general flow of the poem, but lines 11 and 12 were a bit lengthy compared to the rest, but I still liked it!