Round and round we go,
Doubting all we know
Life is nothing if we don't leave a candle burning.
Up and down on a fairground ride
Clouds of grey, judgement day
Waiting to become God's bride.
Empty bottles like empty vessels
They hold nothing inside
Like an open wound
With no healing.
Running from the God inside
Trying to find a place to hide
Jesus has come for His bride.
Gifts are worthless if not given away,
Our time is nothing if we do not stop and pray.
We wear dirty clothes
Torn by our sin
The race is here to win.
If we have no hope,
If we do not listen in the wilderness,
If we do not trust in God.
Winning is nothing if we lose sight of the truth
Life is nothing if we do not have faith,
In God's proof.
By day and by night,
We must not lose sight
Of the wonderful gift
Of Jesus.
A contest entry
- God Does Good Things (5) by SoldierOfTheCross.
577 points, ended December 1, 2008, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Alright.
We got some inconsistant punctuation here.
I've learned poetry is the art of creativly breaking the rules of the given language and making your own. This piece breaks it's own rules.
The opening line to stanzas two and three don't have commas (that should be there), but all others do.
Lines 2, 12, 16 should be end stop with periods.
Got catch a flight.
Keep the same content; define your punctuation -
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You say you are a Christian you need to learn how to correctly give constructive criticsm constructive criticsm is all about giving positive then negative then positive. And what does "Got catch a flight." mean? What does got catch a flight mean? For someone who is so big on punctuation you sort of made a mistake with this one didn't you? So constructive critism would be as follows:
I hope you had a nice flight shame about your punctuation I hope you enjoy your holiday. And next time it would be appropriate to write "I have got to catch a flight" Anyway I've got to go now cause got to go crap.
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nice peom
this is such a good peom and i like the way u use the fairground as a base for the poem if u get wat i ment
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Indeed without faith, without the candle burning, there is nothing much in the race we all run. Jesus will wait for us in the end, no matter how hard the pathway or how narrow. That makes it easy to allow others to have more and know we have everything in the end.
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This is a good poem with a great message. Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest
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Deep faith, deep emotion.
I especially loved the line,
'Life is nothing if we don't leave a candle burning.'
best wishes in your contest.
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I forgot to add
When you wrote up and down on a fairground ride...I have a saying written about a carousel ride, just going around and around to grasp the gold ring... -
In a nutshell
All will see and know and need to trust, have faith and believe and you captured that so spiritedly. God Bless.
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Even though I don't believe in your religion at all this was a beautiful poem and it's so nicely put, to those whom fallow Christianity they will enjoy this and I am sure that it is a wonderful path, thanks for sharing
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