Days done the sun is sinking upon azure sky,
a glowing fire kissing the far horizon.
Emblazon blush; rays of a deep crimson sigh,
Pink hues streaking lighting the heaven arisen.
Purple night gently falls blanketing the blue sky,
Soon light of a pale glowing moon will rise up high
A contest entry
- Blush by Pamela A Lamppa.
700 points, ended November 5, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Lovely imagery.
A very beautiful sky you have painted here.
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Thank you for taking a second look and making some edits. I appreciate such effort and care . ~Pamela
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You have described a sunset. Lots of color and visual highlights of an image. All wonderful descriptives.
Going for "blush" I may have pulled some of these visuals into more intimate moments. More feeling that telling. You have described the sun setting and the rising moon.
Perhaps: Pale moon stretches to catch her fall, blush descending. meeting horizon, ending bright glimmer.
That is just a thought that came to me while reading your descriptions.
Grammatically this piece needs some work.
Your first line : Days end the sun sinking upon azure sky,
Glowing ball of fire kissing the far horizon.
This is a fragment. It needs an opening and a closing.
Perhaps: Sun sinks, azure sky splashing fiery kiss beyond horizon, moving into night with blazing blush.
Something to that effect. This is just a quick thought.
Feel free to make edits for the next few days. I will be back to read this colorful poem. Thank you for your entry. ~Pamela
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Pamela A Lamppa
Pamela,
Pamela,
Thank you I sometimes can not see errors in what I write and your comments helped me .I thought something was a miss and awkward but unable to understand what needed fixing. With your direction it now flows and sounds as it should.
Light and Love
Robert
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Lovely visual poem! I can just picture this...how Beautiful!!!!
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Azlyn
Thanks love i am am delighted you see the beauty and that you enjoyed
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