I planted soap into my pores
hoping time would push your kisses from my lips,
erase you from my memories
Sever your smile from my eyelids
But time is standing still
refusing to speed painlessly into the future
sending sound waves of your breathing
through my lungs, robbing them of their oxygen
before disappearing into the faded coffee stains
that speckle the carpet
Your skin tasted like warm vanilla
Leaving the places your arms had wrapped around me
burning with love, lust or whatever we had
I lay naked in the snow yesterday
trying to wash off your fingerprints
but I'm still warm,
when all I want is for my heart to ice over
numbed by your absence
your just altogether too real to me.
Sometimes I wish I could hate you
Shoving you into the fairytale I call yesterday
but your like 'I Love Lucy' re-runs
constantly coming back to haunt me
I wish I could kiss without seeing your eyes
glaring at the mess I've become without you
I wish I could open the shoebox stuffed with your love letters
and laugh them off as 'high school love notes'
but their packed away in the farthest corner of my mind
for everytime I see your sloppy handwriting
heartstrings pinch my tearducts
forwarding a chorus of sobbs
You held my fragile spine together
Grasping my hips with your callosed hands
You kneeded my broken tissues together
Then you left
assuming that I could hold myself together
with severed fingertips
but I'm still weak.
Author notes
I think it kinda tell the story lol.
Boy who seemed right but changed and became all wrong.
A contest entry
- & I should know, that you're no good for me. by innocence jaded.xx.
1300 points, ended November 27, 2008, 37 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
criticm welcome.
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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this is poignant and wonderful, love lasts so long sometimes, wether we want it to or not...your sense of imagery was amazing, thank you for a wonderful read, think it speaks perfectly as it is, the only thing I can suggest is a spell check, and even then only on a few words.
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this is so beyond amazing.
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This is so strong and had such an impact on me reading it!!! Wish someone felt that way about me, slightly obsessive - but beautiful...really took me on a journey...
[heartstrings pinch my tearducts] i absoloutley LOVE this line
Beggining of 4th stanza i reckon you should drop the 'layed' to just 'lay'
pleasure to read thank you x -
"I planted soap into my pores
hoping time would push your kisses from my lips,
erase you from my memories
Sever your smile from my eyelids"
The imagery in this is stanza is so amazing, I love it =]
"Then you left
assuming that I could hold myself together
with severed fingertips
but I'm still weak."
That's exactly what a certain someone told me 2 weeks ago when we met up.
He didn't realise - apparently.
I can relate to this poem.
Good luck in the contest, this is a truly wonderful piece
Shelly
x
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First off, BEAUTIFUL poem. Your metaphors: brilliant, your imagery: amazing.
-Your skin tasted like warm vanilla
Leaving the places your arms had wrapped around me
burning with love, lust or whatever we had
...
Gawd, you have nooo idea how much I can relate to those lines ! Simply intelligently phrased, my dear
-your just altogether too real to me.
your > > you're
-but your like 'I Love Lucy' re-runs
constantly coming back to haunt me
...
LOVED that comparison
Very unique & creative.
haha and your > > you're lol ;]
-I wish I could kiss without seeing your eyes
glaring at the mess I've become without you
I wish I could open the shoebox stuffed with your love notes
and laugh them off as 'high school love notes'
heartstrings pinch my tearducts
forwarding a chorus of sobbs
...
OHMYGAWD. & that was the freaking most amazing thing I've ever read! I loveloveLOVE that. Incredibly put, my dear. & the ending? You wrapped the entire poem up so beautifully. I loved it Thanks for entering
& welcome to the finalists♥
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Terrific poem
Your emotions are strong and the imagery is done well
Very well penned
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very well crafted
a lot of original imagery
and intense feeling
"your just altogether to real to me." too?
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oh and i think these are in order)
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i loved the title, i thought that was pure genius, it was something so new and different i had to read it, this was a beautifully worded poem and your use of description is masterfull
once again a purely magic piece -
Really quite impressive. This poem is very deep. And I love your metaphors. One of my favorite lines in the poem-
I layed naked in the snow yesterday
trying to wash off your fingerprints
but I'm still warm,
when all I want is for my heart to ice over
numbed by your absence
-That is so amazing. Truly.
That was the line i was looking for...
I'm truly amazed.
Amazing write.
Good luck in the contest. -
Yes another great write, i believe you are capable of no other kind I would give applause but I have none sorry
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i loved it, i think it was beautiful. very emotion filled. great write and good luck in that contest your in.
~amanda
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