As haunting feelings, peak, come from
the sounds of phantom voice so sweet,
in loneliness, now, I succumb
to longings nightmarish deceit,
of love's caresses in darkened sleep,
that shadows the hole of soul.
In dreams of love, visions keep
what in excess has stolen my whole.
You eat and nibble me and take
what little is left of mortal man
leaving me with the earnest ache
of asking how it all began.
I know in pain not what is left
but know in you I am bereft.
Author notes
An english sonnet done in iambic tetrameter
A contest entry
- dark prompt. by HpWICKEDangel.
900 points, ended November 8, 2008, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Darke-hearte. by Dragonmind.
700 points, ended November 14, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Addicted by Velvet Rose Petals.
900 points, ended February 24, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
-
Well done.
-
Very interesting. This is really dark, I really like it. It pulls at the darkness at my soul, and grips it down into the depths of darkness. Good job.
Rose -
So mysterious
This poem is dark and mysterious. It reminds me of the legends of the incubi and succubi, which were demons that came to people in their sleep to unite with them sexually. They would often appear to these people as images of their lovers. This poem has many layers of meaning, and flows good, and it's shortness ads to it's mystery. Keep up the good work.
-
Deep and enthralling. A masterful read. keep up the good work.
-
Great stuff!!!
Deep, dark & strangely enticing in passion & sorrow...
Haunting narrative, great rhyme scheme & rhythm throughout...
Keep up the good work...
Well done!!!
-
Hey, I'm envious of your hidden rhyme in some of your lines, It's so clever and just so... your own style its wonderful. I have to love this poem, the darkness it pulls to me. I can really see how you've got better at your writing from this to your latest on technicality standards.
All my love
~kitty~ -
hi there
i think your title is extremely intriguing so well done on that!!! it really drew me in to explore and keep reading this poem!!!!!!
the picture is also great and proves to be excellent inspiration to you! oo scary!!!!!
okay so
i like this line
in loneliness, now, I succumb
to longings nightmarish deceit,
sounds awesome and is sooo true. been there done that before ya know.
also the love's caresses part. i can feel the emotion inthis poem, i really can.
i love the last two lines, especially the use of the wor bereft. it is almost an archaic word and to see it come alive and tie up the poem so nicely in the end makes me so happy
keep writing dear, u are ever so talented. -
A perfect picture/poem match, and your craft in drawing the word design is just wonderful. Another scary thing to read late at night, especially with the lights down, and all alone... never know when the demon will come... Altogether well-done!
-
I can feel the longing for the next bite, aphotic.
-
ooooooooooooh. I loved this piece, and, like all others, the last two lines. . The last two lines kind of clarify the poem for me. Though I admit it was confusing . I liked the writing style, of how you portrayed your piece. I also like it's straightforward, matter of fact, tone.
-
Love those last two lines, really ends on powerful emotions. The whole thing is awesome, a superbly penned piece, good luck in the contest
-
oh dear, how lovely indeed.....
your word choice amazes me, so weaved together in a grand order...
"i know in my pain not what is left
but know in you i am bereft"
--- such a sweet stanza
a very good poem; good luck in ur contest
-
lovely, lovely.....how interesting indeed...the prompts...of
deceit...longing..and pain combined
leaving the soul in feeling of bereft.
This has a wonderful imagery for
us to delight and chew upon!
we need to smooth the first line
to give it a little more touch of
pull...and imagery....just a touch.
let's see how about...
Black stockings haunt feelings,peak,
a slip of a phantom voice so sweet,
in loneliness, now, I succumb
to nightmares charm, deceit.
my feeble attempt to touch it...
to smooth out and pull on that
first line. -
an intense love so over powering, stealing the whole of the man, the demon controls the sweetest flow ,until the excess has taken your all, leaveing you bereft...
powerful read and feeds the mind darkly...
-
-
Thanks for a great critique!
I smiled when I saw it.
-
-
Submit to me and you will find
a life that is sure and define.
For through your wildest pain
will your mind never be sain.
As teeth take what they wish,
human skin is a tasty dish.
love your words and sorry
that was my take to go with
your poem...
-
-
A great return
from a sexy RP'er. My imagination plays to your words.
-
-
Very intense! My favorite lines have to be the last two:
I know in pain not what is left
but know in you I am bereft.
Love & Light~
)O(
DragonBlue
-
WOW!!!!!! not exactly what i was looking for but very close to it. the visions that this made.... the feelings.... i can not explain....
your words love me wanting more....
Keep that pen flowing my dear, and many treats will follow thee.
-
-
Thanks for the gold!
I appreciate the points, the trophy and a prompt that brought out the best in me. Thank you for your time and effort. -
-
yours was the closest thing that i was thinking of when it came to this prompt. and besides it was mind blowing lol.
-
-
-
Great Title
Smoothing short flow. Well done. Great art! -c
Adding your comment:
1 - 22 of 22
