already, the sun has come
empirically starved,
still eats casually there six feet under
like a prophet.
since we last spoke,
i have watched it binge
and vomit light
eleven hours a day.
some call it a planet
rolling nauseously around;
others, a word that burrows
into your sour glands,
grows big enough
to swallow you.
i guess there are few things sweeter
than these sixteen years
between us, the birth
of a thousand more idiots
to misplace you
from me.
so you're right, we'd make
good neighbors, then --
me and my hereditary
crowshit prayers;
you, the pieces of a solar system
wrapped up like frost,
a daughter asking
if she's dead yet.
Author notes
i'm so glad i don't live there anymore
(option 2)
In a list
A contest entry
- You have two choices. by Never Fall in Love.
750 points, ended November 11, 2008, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
rip it.
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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the second stanza is glorious,
the whole poem is fucking brilliant.
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I absolutely love this.
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i love it.
it makes me want to come up there and steal you away and bring you back to greensboro so i can make you write me poetry at will.
i might actually do that, we miss you!
I MISS YOU.
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i'm here, i'm here! until wednesday, in fact. :]
miss you more. ha. did i tell you i'm doing nano (and failing miserably)?? -
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yess!
plot details?
also, come hang with me wednesday, i have no classes. -
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just the crane lady thing. i revamped it, b/c it sucked even more than it does now. but it will never see the light of day after this month is over. :]
what about yoursss?
wednesday...got a ride? -
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no, but come anywayss... well, where are you?
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ah, no fair! I missed out on neil and now I will miss out on suna? when are you coming to guilford exactly?
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no idea! O.o
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don't know what the growth rate of idiots per day is
if a thousand
then the rest are not even that
anyways... sweet sixteen
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hehe. thanks
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The narrative is so strong in this and the metaphor amazing as jess said it would be. You write with the age of someone far older than your years and the feelings and emotions in this go from stark and angsty to raw and angry. Loved it.
C Think I may have found another new fav. 
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Fuck me. Love it.
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" so you're right, we'd make
good neighbors, then --
me and my hereditary
crowshit prayers;
you, the pieces of a solar system
wrapped up like frost,
a daughter asking
if she's dead yet. "
I love that part the most, very powerful ending.
Great writing.
Loveandblessings2u & yours always
Joyce
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i've read this like three times now, i can't even tell you how much i love it. sour glands, a daughter asking if she's dead yet, fuck yeah
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okay okay, i looked, and no we didnt have the same prompt, now im a loner
lol -
oohhh...wow...i picked that choice too...yours is better though. btu wow.love it ,and good luck...hmm wait i may not have, now im confused
eiher way this is amazing and good luck
Stephanie ♥
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good fences make good neighbours...wow is that a reference to something that I actually understand. Blimey.
"i have watched it binge
and vomit light
eleven hours a day" - yes
"a word that burrows
into your sour glands,
grows big enough
to swallow you" - yes
Not sure about the use of "idiots"...
Often a lot of these things wash over me...but on a purely aesthetic level, I enjoyed your phrasing and the rhythm. Good luck in Chandni's contest
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psht. You wished everyone luck and didn't enter yourself.
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They didn't tickle my fancy
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I will tickle you, alright - you'll beg me to stop.
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Wow, this is amazing I loved every second of this read
I cannot exactly pin-point what speaks out so much from this poem, but this element of 'mystery' so to speak only makes me love the poem more.
Great Job
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