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Melting



Holding her is like
trying to hold smoke.

She melts in my mind
like cotton candy
on a hot afternoon.

She thinks me a fool
and she is right.

New scars appear

overnight.













In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 21 of 21

  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    November 8, 2008

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    Love that imagery in there! Ahh yes, so hard to hold onto some people...


  • Zombiefreak13
    November 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    amazing


  • XXxFAKExXx
    November 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow. You described how you feel on a very meaningful way.
    Not many people who do that.
    Loved it


  • playboybunny6989
    November 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    OKay

    OKay i like it very down to the point


  • Rheea gold member
    November 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    you make me dislike women who do not exsist!!


  • Lily of the Valley
    November 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Great use of very contrasting thoughts for emphasis in this poem. The point is clearly focused for all its brevity. Well done


  • Aussie Gypsy gold member
    November 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is excellent, people can definately be this way in a toxic world. best to you in the contest


  • Cynewulf
    October 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very imagist...brilliant & succinct!


  • WolfHeart
    October 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Just yummy!! I love the imagery that is so elusive and shadow-like.
    "
    She melts in my mind
    like cotton candy
    on a hot afternoon."
    These are my favorite lines...just so esoteric.
    Very nice work, Poet.


  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    October 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thirty three words of brilliance...just what the hostess was looking for.

    All the best John

    Suzie Q


  • Cynthia Gaines gold member
    October 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful Melancholy...

    Best of luck in the contest!! Peace, Cyn


  • adios muchachos gold member
    October 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    John

    I like this but am unsure whose it is.LOL

    BTW, they say cocoa butter does wonders for those scars!

    John


  • tara wilson gold member
    October 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply


  • Aesthete2000 gold member
    October 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ah, such contrasts---
    ethereal smoke,
    stckiness---
    and then, scars!

    arafura in short form brilliance....

    M-C

  • patrick20traveler
    October 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Great!

    Clean, crisp, elegant work. Not a word too many and the words pop out at me--"trying to hold smoke", "cotton candy" "and she is right" "new scars" and ending with a feeling of real dead-end despair. Forget her, man!


  • rbruce gold member
    October 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent, my friend. Only a few words but so much said.


  • Cannonsfire
    October 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Can feel the words in this, it resonates strongly C

  • Yvette Champ gold member
    October 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent.


  • Maedes
    October 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    beautiful written - although the message is so sad -
    new scars appear...

    Success in your contest


  • acari27 gold member
    October 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    ..


  • just mercedes gold member
    October 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love the images presented here, the yearning to make constant the ephemeral of thought, and the sweetness of cotton candy with the melting of heat. Such complications expressed succinctly. I am sure she doesn't think you a fool, you are obviously much more than that. Good luck in the contest.

1 - 21 of 21