What all this should happen to this holy world?
why fraternity and brotherhood are
becoming obscure and obsolete
in passage of time------------?
When peace process is struck in between
anger hypes and ego slips
war mongers start wearing the top clips
to make the world a hip hop in fury chips
The schools frighten with gunshots of students
the youth desire to quake this, otherwise ,happy world
with their ignorant and innocent themes
drawn to their mind space, from terror ridden films
'The cuckoos stopped singing happy tunes,
peacocks ceased dancing;
ships anchored far away from sailing chores,
all these wonders happened
exactly in one shot.'
Why all this disaster should happen?
When human runs after money and money alone
and the values of humanity are conveniently ignored,once for all
nature expresses its fury with all discontentment skying high in its soul
Winds blast with tornado strikes, tilting the Eco -balancing exercise
and snow storms create disaster and deserts dance on the green lands
Author notes
'POM entry'
6. Does a tornado really want to cause destruction -
A contest entry
- Poem of the Month - by Bear - by Arkbear.
2000 points, ended November 1, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Hello
I ask that you try again, and try to pen in poetic tone........as you have gone over to the Prose' side of poetry and penned run-ons which keep me from being able to place a score upon this write
Very Creative, but it will not gain favor from the Judges, as you have given us more ofa Thesis Tone.....and Poetic Tone is what the Rules call for ~
I see so much talent in your quill......I hope to see you join us again November 6th for the POW!
God bless you,
Bear ~
-
forgot to say - I absolutely love the phrase:
'deserts dance on the green lands' - beautiful!
best wishes -
(don't forget to put 'POM entry' in your author's notes....
Lot of depth and thought-provoking questions in this. I would uncap some of your lines - the capping isn't needed, IMO. For example, in your one verse I would edit it as follows:
'The cuckoos stopped singing happy tunes,
peacocks ceased dancing;
ships anchored far away from sailing chores,
all these wonders happened
exactly in one shot.'
just my opinion - but I feel it would read smoother, and you wouldn't have a cap at the beginning of each line.
best wishes in the contest
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