I remember when
the smoke floated at our fingertips
waiting to be cut by out hands
before rising into the atmosphere
evaporating into the stars
We didn't know back then,
and I wouldn't have it any other way
I'm grateful for the sweet oblivion we lived in
That I never had to know that the mist would rise
to reveal that the 'I love you's' mad been muffled
'I lust you's'
I thought those moments would last forever
As I laid upon your stomache peeling grass apart
listening to your breathing,
creating music to the beating of your heart
I suppose I should have known,
your heart was syncronized with my wrist watch
Nothing can last forever,
Your heart skipped a beat
and picked up a different rythm
Readjusting the smoke in your mind
just out of reach
of my desparate fingertips.
I just wanted you to know
My muscles have grown wiry and weary
I've given up on you
I've dropped my fingertips into my ribcage
To begin spring cleaning
Clearing out all the poisonous memories
you injected into my veins.
Author notes
catseye
the worst way to miss someone is when they're standing right next to you, and you know you can't have them.
A contest entry
- how many times can i break till i shatter. by innocence jaded.xx.
900 points, ended December 3, 2008, 57 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
criticm welcome.
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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-Nothing can last forever,
Your heart skipped a beat
and picked up a different rythm
Readjusting the smoke in your mind
just out of reach
of my desparate fingertips.
fuck. excellent.
welcome to the finalists♥
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great imagery
especially the third stanza -
...
Clearing out all the poisonous memories
you injected into my veins << i think the endings are very important in all poems, they make or break it, this poem was impossible to break but yet your last lines still took it to a higher level
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Hmm was looking to see if ya'd written any other poems and saw this
Im glad I did this is another amzing write from an amzing poet
I hope it wins something like it deserves
You know I can't place exactly what it is I like so much about your poems, I just think they are amzing hope all is well
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This is NICE! I wish to god i could write like this...Your an amazing writer and i see your in the same contest as me, good luck, i'm sure you'll win something.
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umhmm. the last line sounds like a line from a song. it's a tad cliche & I'd nix it. it weakens the piece.
.silver.
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