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From your life to mine

from my hand to yours,
the frigid coldness leaves my skin and enters your bloodstream.
from my hand to yours,
the memories and pain travel between the tightest grasp.
from my hand to yours,
security.
from my eyes to yours,
you treat this pain as your own.
from my eyes to yours,
the tears fall as if they have belonged to you.
from my eyes to yours,
understanding.
from my lips to yours,
we race for a cure.
from my lips to yours,
the world is just the background.
from my lips to yours,
temerity.
from your hand to my cheek,
the heat disregards its speed limit.
from your mouth to my neck,
the past learns to be forgotten.
from your voice to my ear,
remediation.
from your words to my mind,
assurance.
from your life to mine,
freedom.

Author notes

option 1: love

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • aanika
    January 31

    Edit | Reply
    no.

    the repetition could have been good, but the way you did it, it just annoyed me.

    I've read poems like this so many times before, and that kind of detracts from the emotion.

    thanks for entering.


  • stasis
    January 25
    Edit | Reply

    no

    The repetition in this messed with my eyes, and there was very... sparse use of poetic device. I think you could have written this differently, it would be an excellent piece, but as of now, it's still in its very raw stages.

    Please do not remove until the other judge has commented with her input.

    ♣ Tegan


  • Lithium n lollipops
    December 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    from your mouth to my neck,
    the past learns to be forgotten.
    Love that line it is so powerful.
    I don't know what else to say.
    Really enjoyed reading it.


  • Sunkissed xo
    December 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. This poem really touches me, more than most that I've read so far. I like the form you've written it in, it makes it all the more beautiful to me. You write with a sweet and simple honesty. This is such an idealistic perspective on love, it's divine. This was a delight to read; thank you for entering the contest
    - Katelyn ♥

    • BrittlesSkittles
      December 18, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thanks so much! i'm glad you enjoyed reading it! I was going for sweet and simple and totally straight forward =]


  • WordsAndWits
    November 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is great! True love is hard to find, but a drug when you first have it. Good luck in my contest!


  • Bean Sidhe silver member
    November 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    While there are some really strong lines in this piece, I found it to be a little repetitive.  Having said that, redundency may very well have been your initial intention.  In any case, thank you for your entry & good luck!


  • samantha jean
    October 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "from your mouth to my neck,
    the past learns to be forgotten."
    Love it.
    Great write, good luck in my contest.


  • dustytiger
    October 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i like this a lot, it's very sweet and it sounds like it is honouring someone else in a very special way. i really like the line "the tears fall as if they have belonged to you" it sends a shiver up my spine, in a good way. my only question is should this line "the past learns to be forgotten." read the past earns to be forgotten? it would seem to fit better, i hope that helps, good luck in the contest

    • BrittlesSkittles
      October 29, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      thanks

      i actually wanted it to be learns because i don't think the past should earn anything. it sounds like it would make the past seem possitive and want the past to be something that she was trying to forget and so i want it to learn to be forgotten. get it? ahaha sorry i can't explain things well but thanks for the suggestion.

1 - 11 of 11