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A storm clouds conversation

Hey thunder
what's up?
Been hanging around here long?

Just building up a big blow here.
Figuring on letting loose soon.

Been around big betty,
you know that cold spell around kentucy
well she's not really all that interesting.
Just one cold shoulder after another.

Then there was Ed
you know that big breeze.
He just kept blowing and
blowing til I ended up here.

Well now,
my belly's full
and I really need
to do something about it.

Hope the weather man
told them about me coming today.
I'd hate to mess up some ole ladies
brand new hair style.





Author notes

POEM OF THE MONTH CONTEST Prompt is: What does two storm clouds floating in the sky say to one another about the ground below.

In a list

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • NeonRose
    October 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hi, and welcome to the POM

    I love the storyline and the humor of this write. It made me smile.

    There are some grammar and punctuation issues that detract from the presentation, but the whole concept is solid and interesting.

    The title should be capped, 'cloud's', not 'clouds'.
    Also, I believe (someone correct me if I am wrong) that "Big Betty" and "Kentucky" should be capitalized.

    Over all, an enjoyable, creative write.

    My scores will appear with final remarks. Best to you in the contest.

    Remember, no editing once a judge has commented.


  • stasis
    October 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    First things first, on top of your need to capilatize the full title, the word clouds should be typed "cloud's" because it shows possession.  Your spelling and grammar throughout should be touched up, as it detracts from the piece.  It is a good write, but, for a grammar nazi like myself, your misspellings and mistakes in punctuation take away from the piece. 

     

    I'm with Bear though, I believe that questions can sometimes take away from the piece, and it did from yours.

     

    Good write nonethless, best of luck and remember, no editing once a judge has commented!!

  • SoulWhispher
    October 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very interestering take on the prompt, I enjoyed this poem, blessings John


  • Arkbear gold member
    October 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hello

     

    First impression.....Title is not CAPPED properly........and.....I would have liked to see a nice Met topping this creative write ~

     

    I hope you did not think the list below for examples of *Creative Themes* on the Contest page was one of your Prompts, as it says....theses are not prompts..........however, no one said you could not use one

     

    I enjoyed this write very much....not a fan of questions, as it takes away the Poetic beauty of such a write and Theme ~

     

    No worries......the rest of your entry makes up for it

     

    *cold-spell*

     

    *around kentuCy???......COMMA.........well, she's not...........

     

    Your last few lines are not as poetic as I look for......BUT.....your Creativity is bordering genius

     

    I do not know if you will score highly in all areas of my scoreboard, but I do think this is the most creative entry as far as thoughts go ~

     

    Poetic Tone is something to consider in all of your writes......even if it is to be humerous ~

     

    I am anxious to see this score....let's see, shall we?

     

    Good luck & God bless you!

     

     

    Bear ~

     

    Title   6.85...I would not click on this Title, unless I wanted to read about this genre, but it had me curious and a Statement such as your Title, should be avoided -

    Flow  9.3....I am impressed by your ability to keep movement in your words....even though quiote a few *statements were used instead of imagery....vison and description -

    Depth   9.0...lots of depth..but wanted more poetic Tone -

    Theme 9.2...Nicely chosen.....seen this type of Theme before, but your fresh approach is nice -

    Feelings   9.7....I was engaged in your personification -

    Grammar   8.85...simple.....looking for more POWER words to grab the Reader....but, affective -

    Presentation 9.7...not bad -

    Uncommonness  9.7...unique with fresh approach -

    Sit & Ponder Affect  9.2...I did ponder, but only briefly  -

    Ability to follow Rules  9.5...watch for no coloured Bords & white Backs ONLY -

    Bears Score:  91.0

    Nice job

    No editing after a Judge has touched your work ~

     

     


  • aboomer silver member
    October 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    cute - definitely not a theme I've seen before...lol.
    best wishes in the contest.

1 - 5 of 5