When I'm Alone

When I am Alone

She sits alone with  his blanket covering her legs.
The heat is set low even though the wind is roaring
At the windows and rattling the glass.
The televisions blue screen is the only light in the room.
She can’t hear his movements down the hall
But she knows he’s reaching for her to pull her close
Even though she’s not sleeping beside him
She’s not sure if he’s aware of it yet or not
But she needed to be without him tonight.

[Maybe I was just meant to break
Into a thousand little pieces]
She wonders aloud to herself.
She thought he’d be the one to go around
And put all those back together
But he’s kicked them about
And scattered them more
She’s lost so many of those pieces now
And she wonders if she’ll ever get them back.
[she shakes her head to push the thought away]
Being alone is dangerous for her.
Thinking and feeling every ounce of regret
[love wasn’t meant to break over night]

But it did
And she’s  alone now.
Her own blanket is with her
And it just doesn’t feel as right as before.
She tries to hug it close as if to find the warmth
he once gave her.
But she lost her war with time and now he’s long gone.
It’s not him she hears down the hall anymore
Its not him she sleeps beside.
Its herself.
She’s alone with her own thoughts
and she doesn’t wish for him to be there anymore.

Weeks later the spot on that couch is held by him.
Her scent[vanilla ice]has long since vanished
But he can still feel her there.
[he’s just so alone without her]
They had so much feeling
And he never once believed she would ever leave him.
But she did.
It’s hard for him to hear her voice
Much less think about how she used to feel
Beside him as her breath would come out slowly
Or faster depended on the way he touched her.
But her body won’t ever merge with his again.
He’s so alone without her.

[When he’s alone

He wants her there]


m. m. o’malley
10-30-08
1 44 pm