for she was candescent sun,
warm and alive
and he was cool stranger
enticing and seductive,
with wavy curls that beckoned
winking at the moon
she moved slowly
toward his salty kisses
and as they touched
her cheeks colored in rosy delight,
flushed with promises
to meet again each evening
Author notes
prompt: blush
A contest entry
- Blush by Pamela A Lamppa.
700 points, ended November 5, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
How do you think I could improve this poem?
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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What I like about
your 'style' is its simplicity. You allow the reader to be part of the content, context and the experience. I should remember this! Frans
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This warm and glowing blush could only belong to the brightest star in a lover's embrace. Utterly delicious as you personify sea and sun.
You have found the blush of all time and lived it again for us all.
The fist line is a stickler with me - for she was the sun - All I could hear was Neil Diamond singing Longfellow Serenade. (I know, I just dated myself with that) but I think a stronger first line might have been: "She was the glowing sun".
after all, he was the cool stranger.
Just a thought.
I loved this entry to my contest and I am allowing edits for the next few days until the judging. I will be back to this gem. Again, truly a beautiful blush.
~Pamela
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A beautiful write with lovely and alluring imagery. A pleasure to read. Take care.
Sandy
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flirtatious and gentle... and such a beautiful promise. beautiful use of sky imagery/characteristics. I love your description of the sea, especially. understated, but vivid and captivating. love this, gal
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Interesting.. makes one want to bluesh
Adorable! Love it!
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A very good write. Lovely depth of feeling. Good imagery, flow and tone. Vivid descriptives. Good word choice, alliteration and nice assonance. Well penned and much enjoyed. Best wishes in the contest.
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This is really sweet. I like it a lot.
Flows very well, and I love your word choice.
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